Where You Used To Be

2010-2012 Poems

There’s an empty space right here—
Where you used to be.
Somewhere in me, in my whole being,
There’s a huge black hole
Sucking all that is left of today
And tomorrow-
To infinite abyss of nothingness.

I wish I could follow through and see—
Where all of these nightmares started.
But all I find are faded, smiling pictures of us,
Dried petals of yellow and red roses,
And lilies…which all cry happy echoes
Of the days-
We see us and forever in each other’s eyes.

Whatever went wrong,
Or whether this is for the ‘right’.
I cannot contain this overflowing yearning
To be real, to be me, to be…
I am inviolable, but I am vulnerable
Only to you-
Because I have loved you and I still do.

This pain of your absence scares me.
For each time the sun sets,
Our hearts are turning gray.
I wish our memories, trust, words,
And occasional apathy would suffice
To salvage our next mornings.
We hope that miracle comes with the sunrise.

For the uncountable times I pleaded
For aching respite,
It’s twice the nth times,
You refused to let me go.
We hang on and we continue to do so.
Yet still—There’s an empty space right here
Where you used to be.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

13Apr11 @ 10.40pm, Penang Island...far from where you are.