settling in?


I think I am stomping my feet over this idea that there are people counting on me and rooting for me. I'm freaking out like I am on the stage. Skaking inside with stage fright. Sometimes I see so many audience members out there. And I have some egotistical bellief that they hopped on line just to see what i would do. What kind of brilliant thought might come out. Then I retreat and think to myself. I LOST MY TALENT! Please don't count on me. I'm no good anymore. I just threw myself away. Why? Because I am guilty. Guilty of self sabotage. I saw it all along the way. I don't deserve it. I'm not any good. I lost that feeling, I lost that touch. Talent was a myth made up in my head. Oh, I know, you guys all gave me enough cudos I thought I might be good. Well, I guess sometimes I'm good. It's just that theres so much bullshit these days in what I say. I can't seem to get my inner truth and struggle to the table. I scream inside. Just stand up. Do what you need to do. They designed it this way. To see if I would care. My mind can go anywhere if in story. Okay, enough is enough. I've said this stuff. If you don't care, it's not good enough. 




I would tag this prose but I always choose poem. So sorry! Meh

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The last line should probably be read snottily.


seeking movement so I can get out of my own way.

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allets's picture

I Agree With SS

So many writes are crap and you know it but yu eventually get to one that goes "ZING!" and you know you poet quite well indeed. In time and after many words, somethimng cloicks and style is born to interpret the internal environment externally. You do it well enough, as far as I can see - nt a kudo, an observation (a critique if you will). You are a good worker in words. Experiment, have fun. slc



Morningglory's picture


Thanks Lady A! Really appreciate that critique. It helps for sure to hear. I slip out of confidence way more often than not. In all areas not just writing. :/ Continually suffering from I'm not good enough syndrome. It's an old wound with layered wounds on top of it. Guess I'm just one of those who seeks a lot of reassurance. Gosh that's annoying! Appreciate you reading me as always!! And of course the writers advice. It's always helpful. :) 


there's a lot of fun writes inside that want to make it to the pages but they seem to still be marinating. 

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SSmoothie's picture

Well, it’s about fucking

Well, it’s about fucking time! ;) keep clearing it out gotta get through a lot of bullshit before we even scrape the truth then we gotta clean it up after the ugly, but they say that’s how butterflies come out! 

Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

Morningglory's picture


I was wondering about a butterfly coming out. 

Is this life we live as human the experience of the butterfly in its transitional state? Kinda makes me wonder...

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