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Why can't it all go away? The pain

I feel every time I think about the

past. I just want to hurt somebody or

something. I want to right the wrongs

and wrong the rights. Why can't it all be

like it was a year ago when I had friends

who cared? When I had a somewhat

stable life. Why did this all end so

quickly? What have I done to deserve

this? Have I been so wrong in my life that

I deserve to be shut out by the one I would

die for? The ones who I would rather be in

their place if they ever got hurt;  so that I

could take all of the hurt, so that they didn't

have to go through it. I used to pride myself

on being the one who was nice enough

to understand when someone had a problem

and help them solve it. Where are my problem

solvers? Where are the people who will

listen to me when I have a problem?

I gave years of my life not bothering

anybody with my problems because

theirs always seemed more important. I have

died inside more than once because of

people I thought were friends. I have given

more than any human should whether it

goes UN noticed or not. I have given

money, drugs, and my fucking life for these people.

And what do I get in return nothing absolutely

nothing. I am sick and tired of being

sick and tired. I am sick to my stomach

over the whole thing