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She Is::
Folder:
April 2007
She puts on her makeup the same way as she did many times before
Hiding her lies behind her mascara and blush
Bleeding underneath her clothes and the world still begging for more
She is still so afraid of love, not to mention his touch
She goes about her life as she always did in the days that have past
She wishes only for no more scars, no more pain
Her smiles have faded, good feelings never last
She is getting closer to believing that she really is insane
She continues to hide her tears
She cant let one soul walking the earth see
She is so afraid of all her fears
She is living her life in misery
She is broken inside
Her heart lying on the ground beneath where she stands frozen
She cringes when she sees her reflection, giving her another reason to run and hide
She wonders why she exists, why for life she was the one chosen
She is dying and nobody knows
She is hurting so badly, wishing she could just let go
She is crying again, and her mascara runs
She vows that this is the end, that she is finally done
But when she has to go out, she paints on a smile
and tries to pretend to be okay all the while
She tries to shake it off, tries to go on
But it is hard to pretend when you are not that strong
She will let them pick up the pieces, its too much to do herself
She will ask them to take her heart and lock it high upon a shelf
She is so confused about what is going on
She still wishes that she was gone
She is on the edge between life and death
She keeps on praying for her final breath
Disappointed everyday that it doesn’t come
Tired of having to find something to make her feel numb
She is so alone
Feeling that everyone has abandoned her
She wants to go home...
but she feels that dying is her only cure...
She is addicted to the salvation she finds in a razorblade
But she loathes herself for every scar she has ever made
Yet she continues to slash her skin
She cant stand the person that she has become within...
She is a nobody
Worthless and dead to the universe
She is a somebody no one will ever see
She plays the part that will always go unrehearsed
She looks out the window and stares at the stars
As she closes her eyes, she says out loud,
"Starlight star bright, if only this could turn out right...
I wish that I could die tonight...."
That in your poem, in this piece, is the reason I have named myself Shattered Eden...my Eden has been shattered so much, and recreated, and it is never the same as it orginally was....
I go through my life doing the same thing. No one but me can see myne pain. No one can see my hurt, I hide it all, I can do this. I hide it from my parents, I hid it from my best friend, Justin. I couldn't let so many people know that I was so miserable. I can cry, not in front of my parents, and above all you should be able to cry in front of them, not me. To fully cry, I have to be around the ones I trust or by myself....I cry for everything. No one gives a fuck about it all. No one has and, frankly, no one will. This is the hell I seem to be condemned to. I hide behind it all. I bleed so much, I need a release, I need someone who won't betray me, loyalty to the hilt of the sword....
Please forgive the length of this comment...
Shattered Eden