DAGNABIT!

 

Dagnabit! Missed the train

an hour to pass before

catching the next train.

 

Guess I need to stop at bar

and throw down a couple pints

 

 

Dagnabit!

an hour to pass before

the next train

I decide to throw down

a couple pints at the bar

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This tanka was published in Of Love and War and the Life in Between, an anthology from the Tanka Society of America.  The first is the original tanka as I first wrote it and the second is the verse as edited for the publication.

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allets's picture

They Changed Your Poem

Suckiness!


...a

 

georgeschaefer's picture

I agreed to the adjustment. 

I agreed to the adjustment.  I like having two different versions.  I am finding as I go through all my old notebooks that I have multiple versions of different poems.  It's good to work with other people to get different perspectives on verse.  thank you for dropping by and commenting.

Starward's picture

The first version is more

The first version is more intense and tells more of the situation.   I am glad postpoems leaves editing to the poets.


Starward

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georgeschaefer's picture

thanks.  I actually edit and

thanks.  I actually edit and change my own poems all the time anyway.  When I do poetry readings, I change words and lines.  I think both have merit.  Mallarmé once wrote that one never completes a poem, one merely abandons it.  Maybe he was on to something.

Starward's picture

I like your reference  to

I like your reference  to Mallarme.  I will go look that up.


Starward

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georgeschaefer's picture

thanks, always glad to refer

thanks, always glad to refer people to great poetry