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pre arraigned marriage
Would I have married either one if it wasn't for violent sex?
I wish the answer was simple, or even just simplex
I know that I'm a heebonistic paradoxical in a dress
But why is it when I gave so much I got back so much less?
I'm sorry you felt my shadow was cast for your oppression
You're the one who turned partnership into competition
All the painful things we went through and the terrible things that were said
Won't happen to me now cuz only professionals share my bed
Why could you never trust me, I'll never understand
I invited you both to share what I started but you needed the upper hand
So I relinquished my control to show solidarity
But you forgot whose songs and acumen made all of our money
The humiliation I felt when everyone else knew
You threw a party for me with all my friends that I wasn't invited to
"Hey Mike why didn't you show up to party last night
we all had so much fun"
Because I didn't hear about it,
or get an invite from anyone
Shame on you for shaming,
for blaming
covertly taming me
Filling my already troubled head with your insecurities
After all the magical years we shared and all the wonderful things we built
We're just cliché tragedies,
such a lucid love now clouded with resentment and unrequited guilt
We still share the same dreams
but not the same memories
What a damn shame it is
I still wanna be really clear about what I'm really singing of
It might be tarnished,
it might be murky and muddy,
but we always seem able to find
all of the love
Love love love love love
We can always still find the love
I always thought there would always be love
Cause love is one thing I knew I could share
It had the power to make me actually care
It's the one thing besides pain that makes me feel
Then someone asked how could I be sure that it's real
I used to like to believe that our love was fate
Til someone whispered to me "you can't have love without hate"
When certainty and trust turns into fear
That's when I saw true love just disappear
When true happiness turns into despair
I didn't forget about love,
it's just easier to not care
Ah, wow, that's
Ah, wow, that's dense.
Such a line to close out with..it is easier, at least in the moment, to just not care. To love is a challenge we are all provided when we start this life. And, boy, will it be challenged heavily, almost surely, save for perhaps a lucky few. My only consolation I can offer is that, sometimes, with challenge comes refinement. Failures in love, what ever the cause, can help us to love even stronger and better, if we embrace it.
This is a really powerful write, intellectual and emotional and contemplative, all wrapped in quality poetry. Best to you.