At Least the Honesty Woulda Cleared the Air

Folder: 
2018

To err is human

and as we transition from youth to adulthood

more often than not I find myself relying upon 'truths' that worked when I was young

not knowing I wasn't fooling anybody

 

The necessity to not only realize

you aren't the smartest person in the room

but to cherish the people who stuck around even when you thought you were

becomes more stark, and more humbling by the day

 

When I so openly present a narrative

prided upon self-awareness, and brutal honesty

and I fail magnificiently to honor these salt pillars with my actions

it's a damage only your acceptance can unlock

 

But I ask this without irony, or passive-aggressiveness...

 

Is the right path to cross a moral line

and confess my sins

to abdicate my broken throne of painful authority over your perceptions

of my cold demeanor?

The frost is but a defense mechanism

because my will is conflicted

wanting to insulate you and yours

from what I know is my flaw, and mine alone

 

If I say these things that cannot be unsaid

the weight becomes shared

but at least the honesty woulda cleared the air

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm going to have to come back and mold this clay into something useful... I cannot seem to unravel this one tonight but wanted to get pen to paper on *something*

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allets's picture

Clarity

This poem is easier to follow because of shared experience. To speak up or figure out how best to proceed without doing harm. If the quandry is like a koan, wait a lifetime and in time the answer will arrive. Losing people is easy if unrecoverable - like a junkie, futile to intervene if not ready to self-alter. like a friend going wrong or a relative: full grown and free to be a mistake but nice to have a friend at the end when the world burns. Like that - slc


 

 

deepblue's picture

I've been mulling this

I've been mulling this situation over and over again for months and just cannot seem to find resolution in my own head...honestly, from what I gather, this friend doesn't have a clue how I feel about the situation...which is great, and awful.  I take a great deal of pride in being an honest person...so to need to be so tight-lipped is maddening, but I don't want to hurt anybody or demolish the ways things stand when they're good.  So for now I reflect in silent purgatory but hey, at least it gives me the gusto to write things down, so that's a plus.  Thanks as always for the feedback :)