Author Information
"Mary Had an OnlyFans"
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Humor: Light and Dark by Jeph Johnson
Mary was so beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Mary was so beautiful
She broke so many hearts
On Tumblr she would smile so big
Smile so big, smile so big
On Tumblr she would smile so big
Her "likes" were off the charts
Everywhere Mary logged in
Mary logged in, Mary logged in
Everywhere Mary logged in
The algorithms skewed
Mary had an Instagram
Instagram, Instagram
Mary had an Instagram
And had a Twitter too
Ya see Pete, he was a lonely man
Lonely man, lonely man
Pete, he was a lonely man
His matches on Tinder null
Mary would not talk to him
On Instagram, on Instagram
Mary would not talk to him
Because his profile seemed so dull
Pete logged onto his Facebook feed
Facebook feed, Facebook feed
Pete logged onto his Facebook feed
And saw Mary tagged in a pic
He opted to message her again
Her again, her again
He tried to message her again
And sent a photo of his dick
It was normal like the guy next door
Guy next door, guy next door
It was normal like the guy next door
So he figured it was cool
So Mary signed up for an OnlyFans
OnlyFans, OnlyFans
She signed up for an OnlyFans
And set up her own rules
Pete persisted night and day
Day and night, night and day
Pete persisted night and day
Sending more pics of his junk
Her eyes would roll and head would shake
Head would shake, head would shake
Her eyes would roll and head would shake
Then one night she got drunk
She was still eager not to write
Not to write, not to write
She was not impressed and did not write
But after three more drinks
Finally a response from Mary's end
Mary's end, Mary's end
A short reply from Mary's end
The URL to "All My Links"
Pete quickly clicked upon the link
On the link, on the link
Pete quickly clicked upon the link
And was taken to the site
Mary and her OnlyFans
OnlyFans, OnlyFans
Mary and her OnlyFans
She set up the other night
And standing there in front of him
Front of him, front of him
Yes standing there in front of him
Right on his computer screen
An image that he recognized
Recognized, recognized
An image that he recognized
Though some would call it mean
Her face it smiled so coy at first
Coyly at first, coyly at first
Her smile it was so coy at first
So he paid sixty-nine bucks!
Only one pic of her was on the site
On the site, on the site
But the next night he went to the site
Hoping to change his luck
His penis was her avatar
Avatar, avatar
His penis was her avatar
"She must like me a lot!"
Since he'd first subscribed she posted more
Posted more, posted more
A hundred pics on OnlyFans
And all were of his cock!!
