"Truest Idyll Tendencies"

by Jeph Johnson


I'd say "trigger warning" but that very word scares me.


Because who the fuck would shoot themselves with a gun unless they're trying to be melodramatic?


It's very messy. The mess is never entirely washed away.


Ya know what else pisses me off?


When people kill themselves and it is "unexpected"


Yeah, you both know who I'm talking about.


America found out too late Mrs. Doubtfire had Parts Unknown.  But the joke should have been obvious, right?


What ever could we have done?


I'm proud to say when I tried to kill myself everyone around me was well aware why I was doing it.


But that sort of pride is worse than an unapologetic pedophile screaming "white power"


So I'm not gonna do that again.


Because I wouldn't get to analyze why people way better off than myself kill themselves or why the minorities I've oppressed by my privilege fight on with urgency, heads bowed, on bended knee.


Unless you're Jesus it's impossible to suffer selfishly in glory; on high; and without sin, so the rest of us become a martyr for mental illness.


It's easier for everyone to emphatically embrace apathy instead of passionately providing empathy.


I'm a loser, baby
(you know the rest)

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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allets's picture

"...so why don't you kill me."

I considered suicide once, for about three minutes. I'ts stupid, messy, painful, and no problems are solved. You are soon forgotten. That's all I got on suicide. Do people actually walk around thinking in usa that they are oppressors - we compete hard, but that is hubris in 21st Century m'thinks. Poverty oppresses, lack of education. It is a wide-open system - once you learn the ropes, it takes generations sometimes. I liked this poem - it dealth with issues of now and the perspective was crisp. - slc