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Green Eyes In Shadow’s Silhouette
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Requiescat in peace The hour of dread, with soft paws and long whiskers,
Nears its cruel crescendo, as the twilight bleeds
Into darkened silence. Green eyes, orbs of emerald,
Hold galaxies of grief, as if understanding
The inevitable decision, kind but unbearable.
Mr Kitty, you’ve stalked shadows and sunbeams,
In this house of loving dreams. Now,
The shadow looms larger and devours the light.
Your purrs, once symphonies in the quiet night,
Diminish, a tremor in the cold winter air.
Cancer gnaws at you, a voracious ghost,
A dark star in the velvet sky of your mouth,
While I, the unwilling god, hold the power
To halt your descent into the abyss,
Yet tremble at the gravity of our goodbye.
How does one render mercy, when mercy
Is a sharpened blade? The decision, a bitter promise,
Etched in the ledger of love and loss.
I choke on the syllables of farewell,
My heart a shattered vessel.
You, in your tuxedo coat, an elegant spectre,
Press against my hand, unaware of time's cruelty.
I search for solace in your calm as if
You’ve found peace in the acceptance,
Of a fate that I cannot fathom.
This difficult choice, a merciful surrender,
To spare you immeasurable pain,
The indignity of losing autonomy,
A kindness carved from sorrow,
To preserve the dignity that you deserve.
Forgive me, Mr Kitty, for playing god
In this charade of mercy and despair.
Know that love has carved this path,
And in the twilight of our shared existence,
Your memory will burn, unquenchable, real and eternal.
As the final hour approaches, know I’ll hold you close,
A lifeline in the storm of sorrow.
Your green eyes, lanterns of ancient wisdom,
Guide me through the darkness, whispering
That release is not an end, but a gentle beginning.
He is now on Rainbow Bridge RIP Mr Kitty
Mr Kitty is now no longer in pain and at rest.
I, on the other hand, am a big mess.
But I need to get it together for a client soon.
The vet says she can’t smell where he voided on me.
I can’t smell anything as I’m full of tears and mucus.
Alliswend bin ich nicht, doch vie list mir bewußt.
My deepest sympathy. I know
My deepest sympathy. I know that pain, a pain that is crushing and inconsolable because your fur baby was a part of the family: a part of you. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time, but I'm glad to know that you realize that he lives on. Several NDE accounts include reunions with beloved pets.
Peace and comfort to you.
History repeats
Thank you. I know, I had been preparing since the dx. Hence my decision to write this poem.
It is "funny" that even after more than 2 decades in that field, given the same advice countless times. Yet it comes to your own pets…
Admittedly, despite all of that I was still not fully prepared.
I also acknowledge the similarities of when my own mother passed from metastatic breast cancer, and how privileged I was to be holding both of them in my arms as they had their final breath.
This weekend has been difficult, my muscle memory from the experience is causing a whole body flashbacks to feeling his body collapse and crumple in my arms, still proving to be such a pronounced visceral moment.
I assume (despite how dangerous it is) that NDE means near death experience? I can completely understand those sensations and memorie. I can only hope that when it is my time, I will be blessed with such an experience.
Alliswend bin ich nicht, doch vie list mir bewußt.
Yes, I meant "near death
Yes, I meant "near death experience". I was moved, almost to tears, by your memories of your precious friend's passing. Wishing you comfort and peace.
Thank you
Thank you for the clarification.
Alliswend bin ich nicht, doch vie list mir bewußt.
My heart ached all the way
My heart ached all the way through this masterfully crafted account of one of my own worst nightmares. At some point many of us have to make these wrenching decisions. With tenderness, palpable agony and heart-melting images, I was taken back to my own babies' end-of-life ordeals when mercy was a "sharpened blade".
I've read many poems about pet deaths, but none that have focused so sharply on the excruciating dilemma of when to let go and few have had the shattering power and the devastating realism you wield with your exceptional talent. The eloquence is almost too beautiful to bear as it delivers a cyclone of unsparing pain.
An excellent, excellent portrayal of our human journey that is, for many of us, tethered tightly to our nonhuman friends. I want to cry and applaud at the same time.
Well done, fine Poet!
Kind words, soothing my racing mind.
I apologise for taking so long to respond. Your kindness, understanding and empathy - something I am not used to receiving, were a lot to take in and process.
It feels incorrect to thank you for your intimate knowledge of the subject matter and my piece's effect on you. Perhaps it is true that the anguish and sadness shared are also halved. I wrote in some prose recently how much I believe (and it is scientifically backed) that emotions are intrinsically tied to and essential to our own morality—as they are indeed in other primates and more animals than we know.
I will thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It is something that I am trying to improve in myself.
Alliswend bin ich nicht, doch vie list mir bewußt.