What The Hell Is This For?

i can't stand the way that i cry over such stupid things, even if i only cry once in a while.

i can't stand the fact that even though i'm a hateful bitch, i'm one of the nicest people i know.

i can't stand the feelings i get when i'm confused and have no confidence in myself, even though it's just me.

i hate the reasons that i torture myself just so i can remind myself of why it is i am who i am.

these facts all collaborate in my brain, and they hurt me so bad to bring up the reasons i run away.

i hate the way i smile, even when i want to cry... just because i'm afraid to let others see me as week.

it doesn't make any sense for me to be so weak, and yet seem so strong.

i feel like a pathological liar who cannot stop themselves from ruining their own lives.

i'm just a psychosematic nerd who hates herself so much that she would torture herself mentally to make the pain fade away.

but i can't believe that i am who i am, and that scares me that all of this negetivity still allows for this positiveness.

and im still confused inside.... i'm only just trying to hide it... which sucks.

alright, i give up... i'm too tired to complain, and i'm too tired to try.

it all seems like nothingness right now, with a horrible dose of apathy to knock me off my feet.

good night.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

bad day, bad day.... why do i bother trying anymore??

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M A U I's picture

it's definitely ranty .. and has that angry flow of words.. but i'm glad for you that you were able to write something out of it. ^_^