I'm Feeling Eternal Blue

I'm not feeling well today.

Not from physical illnesses but from the heart.

I met up with an old friend today

who now is my ex-friend.

It tore up my heart to see that he didn't care

as much to say a simple hello.

All he did was ignore me.

He never once acknowledged my presence.

I feel pretty bad that it's killing me inside.

When I look back to yesterday I want to cut

my wrists.

He was once a good friend.

We got along pretty well.

In fact, he was my very first friend I ever made.

But things got ugly between us and now there's

only distance left.

But after all this time all I wanted to do was

ask for forgiveness and reconcile our differences.

I may want to but he doesn't.

All the more it makes me want to regret some of

the things that I did but moreso, the things that

he did as well.

Do you know what it's like to lose a friend?

Especially one that you knew for a long time?

Especially if you can get along so well

as if he or she was like a brother or sister?

For me, it's like I'm dying everyday

because we can never make up and be friends again.

It's like plunging yourself into a pool of

scalding acid head first over and over again.

I wish we could be friends again.

Yet it looks like hate is a poison that burns

the trust away.

It leaves the heart into a decay.

I'm sorry, you know...

What more do you want from me?

Do you want me to prove myself more that

I hate the both of us being like this?


How about I take this shotgun and ram it down my throat.

I'll shoot myself if I have to.

Through the brains of course.

Let it all splatter.

That's how far I'll go.

Or let's humiliate myself in public stating that I'm

the big fucking loser.

That I'm a nothing.

Go ahead and exalt yourself.

Feel free to.

I can't help but feel tired of all this nonsense, you know?

Break my bones, cut me up, burn me down, do whatever,

but don't tear up this friendship...

It's all detrimental to everything about us.

I fucking hate it.

People say don't regret the things that you do.

To me, sometimes that's a little impossible.

Deep down, it hurts to lose somebody you care about.

It's painful to lose a friend that, in the end,

hates you so much.

Even if I get down on my knees and beg like a dog, I'll do it.

Just as long as you're my friend again.

I'll say sorry a billion times 'til the day I

pass away.

But in reality, that can never happen.

That's why I at times feel eternal blue.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another one of my first and good friends (it's not "Moon," okay?).  We both got mad at each other but over something stupid.  I may want to ask for forgiveness but he doensn't (he's stubborn you see).  Damn.  Stubborn fool.  He'll get over it, hopefully...if not, I don't know.  This poem tells how I feel.  Also, read the critique/comment in this one.  "Poetrylady" really gave good advice for me to think things over again...

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Ruth Lovejoy's picture

It's hard to lose a long time friend and it hurts like a bitch but beyond saying you are sorry this is little that can be done if the other person is not responsive. Real friends don't always agree and can argue at points but if the friendship is real and not just a thing of convenience now and then it survives all things. These moments of convenience are but by way of users with big egos-not worth wasting time on because they will use and resuse repeatedly..