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I thought I can control it.  I thought it's restrained.  I thought it was under my power.  I thought it's over.  But it's not.  It's still there.  What can I do?  Very slowly I'm destroyed.  I lose courage.  It intimidates me.  It overwhelms me.  It gives me nightmares.  I thought I could do it but I can't.  I became stubborn with it.  I tried accepting it.  I tried bearing it.  I tried embracing it.  I tried shunning it out.  I tried killing it.  I tried ignoring it.  I tried justifying it.  I tried being indifferent with it but whatever I did it's still there, uncontrolled.  No matter how hard I try or no matter what I do, I don't have a choice.  This is something that haunts me for eternity.