Never Special

Story Time

I sang you a song, just the other day,

my words weren't special and, my voice,

was all wrong, but I sang so hard for you,

it woke up all the neighbors, and made all,

their dogs howl, too.

No, my words weren't special, they were,

words that had all been said before,

words used, words used, so many times,

so many times before, but these words,

they were yours, only yours.

I sang so hard for you, the heavens cast me mute,

I sang so long for you, the sun filled the sky once more,

I sang so loud for you, the cops came 'round, reports,

of someone, stranglin' a whole pack of cats, again.

My words may never be special, all the words, used,

so many times before, though my soul might be in them,

a soul abused so many times before, though my heart,

bled for them, it too, has been bled before.

So I sang so hard for you, the heavens cast me mute,

then with frantic eyes, and quickly gesturing hands,

I pledged a life's long love to you, a life filled,

with failures and misfortune, a life, of miraculous mediocrity,

of which, you were a bright spot, one of several, the brightest,

the last.

You walked away from me, a sadness in your eyes,

you walked away from me, with the heart breaking,

in my eyes.

You walked away from me, not understanding, that I'd,

done it all for you, you walked away, not knowing,

the price I'd pay.

The cops came 'round, wondering, what the hell, was dying,

the cops came 'round, wondering, what the hell, to make of me.

Escaping, fleeing, running from, the insanity of normalcy,

I wandered, stricken, mute, lost and alone,

in a sea of uncaring, humanity.

Walking roads, a lot like life, too much like death,

living all the byways inbetween, tasting each, and knowing,

the bliss of, insanity.

Eventually, I found my way back to, a better place,

where I could fly, a better place, where it always rains,

so I can no longer feel, the tears burning down my face.

A better place.

Eventually, I came back to, the sanity reducing, insanity of,

normalcy, and I learned to smile again, with my eyes and in my,

mind, my lips soon to follow, but even smiles don't chase away,

the ghost, that lingers, in my eyes, of things better left, never seen.

So forgive my intensity, overlook the distance in my eyes, it isn't you,

it is simply thus, and thusly so, a mind wandering, wondering, over past,

past life, past memory, knowing, examining, processing, remembering,

always remembering, the coldness of the dark places, in between.

I feel so broken, when I'm open, when I open up to you,

that's why, it's so precious, when I let you see,

the darkest light, inside of me, when I show you,

all the treasures, hidden so, carefully, because, you see,

they are all, once I had, all, that was left, when I had,

all but run out, of sanity, all my glittering, painfully saved,

memories, feelings, from times gone past, from the last,

days of, innocence.

I feel so broken, and still I'm hopin'

that when the words, turn sand in my mouth,

mouth too dry to speak, your grace, the beauty,

the feel of the air, around you, makes me stutter,

and blink, blink, my mind, stutters also, unable to think,

when I simply want to talk to you, show you the love,

of this world, and just what lies behind, blue eyes,

just a chance, a second glance, from your eyes,

that nearly made, me break my neck, whip lash turns,

into, awkward approach, anxiety, as I am far too ugly,

to be noticed, by you, of angelic beauty.

So I stumble away, self recriminations ringing, loudly,

inner voiced, laughter, ringing, mockingly, another scar,

another failure, marring, an already broken, piece of art.

And your eyes shy away, another chance, another glance,

I fail to utilize, believe, and grace remains, unredeemed,

as the seams of self doubt, tighten, so readily, so,


I notice you, and I see, a beauty, that makes me weak,

inside, and a longing to know you, damn near breaks, me,

I can almost, see your thoughts, touch your mind, some might,

call that, destiny, I just, call it me, and the ways I've learned,

to bend my mind, open my self, shared empathy, so, breathtakingly,

breath taking, in its very simplicity, just absorb another's,

fear and pain, losses in life, the enforced shame, embrace another's,

flaws, open your mind, to the world, our connection, and know another,

better than, some know, themselves.

And then show, the ones who believe, what a love can be like,

when you can see, when you accept, what's inside, the things from,

which she hides, you hold her face, in your hands, as you expose,

her secret dreams, darkness whispered fears, with the insightfulness,

of a broken life, filled with broken places.

You smile into her eyes, as she cries, tears rolling down her face,

over your hands, tears, held for years, the tears, of a little girl,

night light on, to protect her, from the darkness, only, this darkness,

lives, in the world, and has its claws in her, from heart-held failures,

to smiling eyes, filled full, of manipulation, lies.

You hold her face, and smile, and she cries, so, heart achingly,

so, beautifully, as she cries, you kiss her forehead, salt dampened eyes,

closed, and lips still tasting of, disbelief and wonder.

You kiss her, and the world melts away, the pain in you, slips away,

and you vow, to make up for, all those tears, in her soul, all the tears,

she's ever known, and you vow, to make her smile, for each and every one.

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Sara Smith's picture

I like how you used the images of the dogs howling and the cats being strangled to make your pain feel vivid and loud. And then contrasted that noise by writing one sentence alone to be its own stanza, A better place. It takes the reader out of the racket and into a hopeful space. That was a clear way to rope us back to feeling there might be normalcy in some mental land of ours.

Perhaps there are too many commas for me but I survived reading it once again. And I do really like this poem. Although you did too good of a job making the reader feel overwhelmed at the end. Because that's a lot of smiling that girl has to do. If you make the girl smile for every tear she's ever known, she'd have to smile for the next couple decades, and that might start creeping people out, even Richard Simmons. I think Richard Simmons feels he's not special either and that's why he wears glittery tank tops. He wants to sparkle.