Tonsillectomy

Tonsils...AKA: Satan's Balls!

Folder: 
Funny, Ha, Ha

Never before, in the history, of my chronic-pain life,

Have I dealt with such agony, such horrid strife!

My 51 year old tonsils were taken out, last week, you see,

To be biopsied and hopefully, are cancer-free.

 

But oh, what a sinister thing this is, that they do!

First they cut out the one...then, they take the other too.

You go home, unaware...of the horror that's to come,

Because those first few days, are a mere walk in the sun.

 

Then oh, on about day four...or maybe five,

You wake one morning thinking, you can't possibly be alive!

For surely you've died and were sent straight to hell,

Because Heaven would never be like this, were everything well.

 

No...there's now fire and pitchforks, all about in your mouth,

A certain sign...you've traveled way, way deepest south.

Was that water I sipped...or did someone switch it to acid instead?

Ice cubes, now like glass, make me wish I was definetly dead!

 

My tongue is now an electrified, barbed wire-like mess,

I drool, can't speak and crawl like a baby, as I regress!

I haven't had solid food in way too many days,

You can only eat jello and ice chips in so many damn ways.

 

I hallucinate from the pain killers, that give no reprive, 

The only thing being 'killed' is my will to survive!

I haven't even gone #2 since the day before the operation!

The pills that don't kill the pain, only caused my 'bowel cessation'!

 

At least I've lost some extra weight...along with my sanity and my hope,

I hardly function, or shower, heck, I can barely even cope!

So now here in hell...it all makes so much more sense-

As I look around this evil lair, in my misery-intense.

 

I see them in pairs, hang-dangling...all over the wretched place.

Then I realize what they are, with shock upon my pained-face-

Those sick twisted things we call tonsils, are now lining hell's walls-

Those evil little misery-causing nodes...are in actuality, Satan's Balls!!

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

OMG...this is evil, evil, evil torture!! I am on Day 8 post op and I just need Jesus to come back now...please. :'( 

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