predatory behavior

How I Learned to be Proud to be a Predator and Sociopath

by DaddyO

 

Since it has become the in vogue thing to label others as "predators" and "sociopaths", I decided to find out exactly what was meant in regards to these claims and accusations that have sometimes been levied against me.

 

Initially I was puzzled and concerned, as the label felt negative.

 

I requested current members of the local community as well as the ones making these accusations to come forward with examples, for they seemed to look at me with disdain.

 

None were able to give me accurate definitions, so I went to some online sources to get some answers.

 

Upon doing so, I came to the conclusion that I am proud to be a Predator and Sociopath as these appear to be the qualities most women desire from a man.

 

Now I understand it wasn't disdain after all, it was jealousy! 

 

I never have been too very good at reading people's faces. Thank you all.

 

Twenty Signs of the Predator:

written by Sandra L. Brown ("How to Avoid a Dangerous Man before you get involved")

 

1. The Predator has a natural instinct for sensing vulnerable or "sensitive" women.

 

If by "sensitive" it means being nurturing and submissive, isn't this the best match for a Dominant man?

 

As far as "vulnerability" goes, if it means being helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak and susceptible these are traits that are negative only if the person intends on taking advantage of them. I don't have that intent.

 

These traits will be prevalent in a person regardless of who chooses to interact with her. Just because a person interacts with her doesn't make him a "predator", the "predatory" part comes if the person takes advantage of her vulnerability.

 

How is helping her, supporting her and wanting to take care of her tantamount to taking advantage of her?

 

2. The Predator senses women with low self esteem

 

A woman's self esteem is not my responsibility. I even wrote a blog on that. Generally women with high self esteem are either already taken or too involved in doing their own thing to enjoy wanting a relationship.

 

3. The Predator senses women who want or require relationships in order to feel needed or fulfilled

 

Yes, people have worth outside of a relationship, but don't kid yourself, everyone feels more needed when in a relationship.

 

4. The Predator senses women who are bored, lonely, or needy

 

Yes, single available women are often bored, lonely and needy. What is the alternative, to go after women already in relationships? Well I do accept applications from women in polyamorous relationships.

 

5. The Predator senses women who are on the rebound from having been recently dumped, divorced, emotionally ignored, or wounded

 

Ah, yeah, once again describes nearly 100% of single available women.

 

6. The Predator senses women's body and eye language

 

Make up your mind, I either am good at sensing a woman's body and eye language and thus "predatory" or I am not good at sensing and a "boundary pusher."

 

7. The Predator listens closely to what a woman says in order to pick up clues he can use in later conversations

 

Like this is a bad thing? Are you are really saying being a good listener and communicator is a trait of a predator?

 

8. The Predator senses unfulfilled physical intimacy needs and sexual needs

 

Like this is a bad thing? Isn't a person's mate supposed to pick up on this stuff and then fulfill it?

 

9. The Predator creates a sense of fun and mystique to draw you in

 

Like this is a bad thing? Isn't a person's mate supposed to find out what you enjoy and help fulfill it?

 

10. The Predator is smooth and seems to have all the right lines and insights into you

 

Like this is a bad thing?

 

11. The Predator comes on fast and strong and sweeps you off your feet

 

Like this is a bad thing?

 

12. The Predator is overly interested in every detail of your life

 

Like this is a bad thing? Getting to know you so he can more easily love and care for you isn't negative either.

 

13. The Predator wants to move in together or get married quickly

 

Not sure if this applies to me since I am pretty happy being unmarried and with my living situation, but solidifying the partnership or relationship dynamic in order to get it on track and working smoothly is not a negative thing.

 

14. The Predator implies that he "knows" you well before he has spent enough time to really get to know you

 

This may be because he has focused his efforts in ways unbeknownst to you in other lackluster relationships. See #12 and #15.

 

15. The Predator pushes you to quickly disclose a lot about yourself to him

 

Getting to the nitty gritty and heart of the matter in order to once again solidify the relationship dynamic, get it on track and working smoothly is not a bad thing. I also reveal a lot about myself to everyone, but especially to a potential partner. Why not find out information early enough in the relationship to save future arguments and prevent devastating heartbreak?

 

16. The Predator tries to fulfill your physical, financial, or emotional needs

 

Like this is a bad thing?

 

17. The Predator seeks to fill roles in your life, such as adviser, father figure, spiritual leader, mentor

 

Like this is a bad thing, especially for a Daddy Dom? 

 

18. The Predator is overly helpful, comforting and understanding

 

Like this is a bad thing?

 

19. The Predator has the exact same interests, values, hobbies, etc that you do

 

Like this is a bad thing? Though I tend to fail at this, as I am not part of nerd central. I don't do steampunk, vampires or Dr. Who. My values are not very woo-woo and my hobbies are not very D&D, Burning Man or SCA

 

20. The Predator is a chameleon who can be all things to all people

 

I try and yet fail at this miserably. I can't be perfect in my Predatorship.

 

Ten Signs of the Sociopath:

written by Donna Andersen ("Love Fraud - How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan")

 

1. The Sociopath exudes charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.

 

Thank you for the compliments!

 

2. The Sociopath has an enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

 

I am more honest than that. I never graduated college, work a minimum wage job and only succeed in the things I enjoy.

 

3. The Sociopath is very attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.

 

I like to show attention to my lover and therefore envy more than resent the time we spend apart from one another. I am very cognizant of time she needs to devote to work, school and family.

 

4. The Sociopath has a Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

 

I wouldn't say that. I love passionately and when there is an unexpected disagreement with her the contrast manifests itself more powerfully. But I would never use the word "hate" towards a loved one.

 

5. The Sociopath blames others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

 

When one such as I lives the life they choose, the faults of others are more pronounced because they are juxtaposed against my own beliefs. It is simply my way of seeing things. If things don't go my way, often it truly is the fault of another person, because I have the confidence to recognize that I want things done my way. When something is actually my fault, however, I always take the blame.

 

6. The Sociopath lies and has gaps in their stories. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.

 

Ha! Not me. This has been the case with a few former lovers, however.

 

7. The Sociopath uses intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

 

Funny, the same thing is said in the article "how to know when a man is into you."

 

8. The Sociopath moves fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly

 

Matching the traits of the Predator #11 and #13, so I will repeat that solidifying the partnership or relationship dynamic in order to get it on track and working smoothly is not a negative thing.

 

9. The Sociopath plays upon pity. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

 

They are human. They also want you to revel in their successes, enjoy their entertaining company and orgasm from their amazing lovemaking skills.

 

10. The Sociopath has a lot of sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

 

Whoa! Did I just predict #10 by my answer to #9? And the last time I had it checked, my testosterone levels were normal.

 

ADDENDUM: The real shit!

DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria 301.7 (F60.2)

A. A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

 

No.

 

2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.

 

Yes, I go by the alias DaddyO. But I don't lie or con others.

 

3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.

 

Yeah. Sometimes I do. A lot of non-sociopaths are also guilty of this.

 

4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults.

 

No. Unless you count verbal skirmishes with assholes I should be ignoring. 

 

5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.

 

No. If anything I can be too cautious.

 

6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

 

On the fence with this one. I like my consistency so I do what I can to honor the responsibility my employer's have entrusted me with. That being said, I am typing this from work (but I am getting my work done!)

 

7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

 

No

 

B. The individual is at least age 18 years.

 

Yes, dammit, I am older than 18.

 

C. There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

 

Ah, no

 

D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

 

I don't really have anti-social behavior, if anything I have too pro-social of behavior!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2013 

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An Accidental Predator's Call to FetLifers: Please Help Me Find the Vulnerable Ones!

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

The following well-intentioned quote from a FetLifer from a comment on this blog struck a chord with me. I understand that it was not directed at me per se, so let it be clear, I mean no ill intent or hostile provocation towards them with this blog. I am just giving my counter-opinion...

 

"Be skeptical of people you hardly know who offer excessive 'help' and 'support' during a time when you're vulnerable. Often they expect payback you never agreed to...another quid-pro-quo." ~FetLifer

 

This quote, coupled with my introspective nature questioning some of those around me calling me a "predator" inspired these seemingly tongue-in-cheek, yet absolutely truthful requests:

 

To anyone, please help me define who is "vulnerable" because apparently by helping and supporting them it turns me into a "predator" expecting something in return (assumedly, sexual or other BDSM play).

 

To those on my friends list, please PM me with a short list of local women who aren't vulnerable so I can choose from among them for my playmates. Or if it is easier, a short list of the vulnerable ones so I can stay clear.

 

To those who read this on Kinky & Popular* please make a list of identifiable traits of non-vulnerable people.

 

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up." ~Neil Gaiman

 

Remember, according to Mr. Gaiman, one requisite is they cannot be susceptible to love.

 

And show me examples of who these vulnerable people can interact with and receive help, guidance and play from, so when I am tempted to interact, I can give them those people's names instead.

 

Perhaps I can help define the vulnerable person for everyone...

 

More than once I have been accused of being "predatory." This is because in addition to courting playmates of all ages, I offer excessive help and support to people in the community perceived by other people in the community as "vulnerable." The problem is, in my accusers' minds, is this "vulnerable time" is the time from age 18-45 and these vulnerable people are always female (basically anyone who even remotely resembles the ideal age and gender I fetishize).

 

I hope to let the record speak for itself: I offer help and support to anyone of any age at any time. Yes, people over 30. Yes, any gender. I am not sure if my support is excessive, and I surely do not go out of my way to find vulnerable people, but along the way some will make it my way.

 

I showed an early draft of this writing to my roommate for his input and editing skills. He sent me back the following observation:

 

"It has always astonished me that so many presume that women in the fetish community have a mental and emotional age of 10. Perhaps they make this presumption about women in general, not just women in our community. Feminist? I don't think so." ~DaddyO's ex-roommate 

 

And what if these "vulnerable" people find me? Am I supposed to run away when I may be able to offer helpful BDSM concepts and advice to them?

And, let's call a spade a spade...

 

What if I can offer something more? Dare I say it without sounding too conceited: what if I can offer them excitement through BDSM play or even sex? Am I supposed to run away then too?

 

For me and my partner(s), the "expectation" of some sort of "payback" is not assumed. It is negotiated. That is where the difference lies. And with every partner, young, old, newbie or seasoned pro, I negotiate.

 

At least there is some hope...

 

"Be skeptical of people who issue unsolicited warnings about others you have yet to meet. Go out of your way to meet these people because you make your own determinations about people- thank-you-very-much." ~a different FetLifer

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*But unfortunately it won't make K&P because it addresses a problem directly and attempts a solution.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2013 

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