Imprisoned Feelings

I've always kept my feelings inside, each one in time was left alone or left behind.

I've always been afraid of an honest feeling ever getting close to being the real thing. Like a lie propped up like a present with a bow and tie only being a promise on the outside.

I've always kept my feelings inside, and pent up fire becomes imprisoned ice, the hotter the flame, the colder the eyes.

I don't know when feelings are supposed to show, I've got someone who loves me. Asking me to let them go. I swear I'm not masking them but the last thing I'd know would be how to let passion in.

As a son to a drunkard father, I never want to touch a bottle. I'm not going to get into all the things he beat on, but I'm calmer.

As a son to a ever distancing mother. My girl asks me why I don't desperately act like we need each other. Affection is not something new to me, on the contrary it was my very first enemy.

Something in me just always screamed get out, climb, and never trust a feeling. Life since has been more then exceptionally good to me, but looking back 35 years on the life I've lived, I realize that I've kept my feelings inside just like that little kid


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I've always found emotions to be self defeating, through life I've either conscientiously or subconsciously tried to reprehend them. This is how I can best explain it through poetry and a small portion of how it's been what you could argue as detramental to my life or maybe it was a defence that kept the world out for the better.

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Meine Alma Mater Kampt

All and nothing

Straitened and banged my head,

Every day I needed,

Till I jumped the wall,

Never veneering,

The snags of my soul,

Cemented on the crags of the past.

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