#humorous

Girl Scout COOKIES

I love girl scout cookies!

Whew! I’m glad I got that off my chest.

Personally I think that trefoils and tagalongs are the best

 

I love the taste of shortbread and that peanut butter crunch BUT

in a pinch I’ll eat a thin mint…or that one with coconut.

 

And even though the increase in price sometimes makes me pause

I gladly hand over the money…

after all…it goes to a good cause.

 

This year they added a new flavor destined to make me fat

They put lemon glaze on the shortbread…OMG…Imagine that!

 

Each Lemon Up cookie has an intention…a mission

an ambition…a lofty goal

Each one is imprinted with a message

to be imprinted on my soul.

 

They tell me I’m a leader…I’m a risk taker

unlike the trefoil or tagalong…

that I’m an innovator

a go getter

they tell me I am strong…

 

Which is why when I took out my first lemon up

I was taken aback…appalled 

When I read the message on my cookie 

and it told me…I am bald.

 

“Although it’s true, what an odd message to put on a cookie.” I said to Deborah

She smiled and said, “Jim…you’re getting old

your cookie doesn’t say I am bald

your cookie says, I am bold.”

 

“Well that makes more sense.” I laughed

as I boldly ate my cookie…

every bite

hoping next year they’ll add one with carrots

 

to help improve my sight.


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MISTAKES I'VE MADE A FEW

I’ve made a few mistakes in my life. I can say that with aplomb

I wore a blue brocade tux with a top hat and cane to my junior/senior prom.

 

I once let a beautician curl my hair...now that was really astute!

I thought a curly head of hair would do wonders for my new blue leisure suit.

 

She said a perm would make my baldness seem fuller and my love life it would prolong.

When it was over it took but one look in the mirror to know that she was wrong.

 

My hair looked like a rebellious Brillo pad and I’m not being indiscreet

when I say the only female attracted to me was a French Poodle down the street!

 

In college while out drinking with friends I pretty much sealed my fate

when I cozied up to a pretty cheerleader and asked her for a date.

 

Was it the alcohol or was it love that made me forget I’d have to contend

With her boyfriend…sitting next to her…

was he the quarterback or a tight end?

 

I don’t remember, but I know my distilled confidence made me feel bold and brave and brash.

What happened next is a bit of a blur...

I woke up face down in the trash.

 

The point here is we all make mistakes

 they await us around every turn.

We shouldn’t be afraid to make them 

because from them we’ve so much to learn.

 

Without mistakes we wouldn’t have the chocolate chip cookies so many of us crave.

The slinky would have never been invented...

no post it notes or microwaves.

 

There would be no penicillin, 

no fireworks would ever be seen.

Without mistakes we’d see a straight tower in Pisa 

and miss that beautiful lean.

 

We will try and fail many times in our life, 

sometimes we’ll crash...

sometimes we’ll fly

but the biggest mistake we will ever make...

is when we fail to even try.

 

True I didn’t get a date with the cheerleader 

but I still remember to this day

Her smile and that wink she gave me 

as her huge boyfriend dragged me away.

 

I remember that moment with fondness...

I know as a couple we would have been cute.

She, the beautiful cheerleader, 

 

and me in my blue leisure suit.



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NOT AS OLD AS I LOOK

I find as I grow older…as I watch the world unfold

despite losing hair and gaining wrinkles…I don’t often feel old.

 

Oh sure I know there were skills I had when I was young that I somehow today lack

and I’m not often sure when I look in the mirror who’s that old guy looking back

 

and sometimes that smile that occupies my face can turn into a frown

when I realize it’s much harder getting up from the floor…that it was getting down.

 

But for the most part I’m happy with my age, with who I am…where I’ve come from

and as long as I am feeling happy…I say let the aches and wrinkles come!

 

But the other day in the book store a thought occurred to me

that the young man I like to think I am is not the young man other people see.

 

A young family asked about our building

commenting on its beauty…remarking on it’s style

So I told them a little about it’s history

How it had been here for a while…

 

I told them there’s a plaque out front

to remind us of this building’s glory

on it is the original owner’s name

and a summary of it’s story

 

I told them it used to be a movie theater

In the 1920’s…way back when

It was here the youngest member of the family asked

“Were you working here back then?”

 

Everyone within earshot chuckled

(my laughter was more controlled)

as I wondered did she really think

I looked 100 years old?

 

I imagine children have a hard time determining age…

perhaps this is a skill they lack…

anyway….the next time someone asks about this building

I’ll just tell them…

 

read the plaque.