Deborah has a group of high school friends who get together every now and then.
Their latest time together was at the memorial for an old friend.
Old age is 65 or older…at least that’s what the experts say.
But it’s more than that..as this group of friends proves more and more each day.
There is no guide to growing old…no one secret…one truth…one little gem.
But here are a few things I’ve observed that makes the ride smoother for them.
They are genuinely happy and supportive of each other
They are there when times are rough.
They anticipate each other’s needs and how sometimes…
just their friendship is enough.
They enjoy each other’s company. They make each other laugh
and they hold on to one another when they cry.
They know instinctively whenever they need a friend…a friend will be nearby.
Though life took them in different directions…when they get together…this they know:
How blessed they’ve been to be around…to watch each other grow.
Through all of life’s ups and downs…these friends have been aware
whether it’s an up or it’s a down…their love is always there.
Their Love is there to help these friends get through…one day at a time.
In the poetry of their life…it’s love that is their thyme.
It seems to me these old friends understand as they navigate life’s changing weather…
the greatest gift they have been given…is growing old…together.
Of course I’m no expert…but I like to think all of us…before we reach our final slumber
will realize, like these friends do, how growing old is much more than a number.
Growing old is a process…
If you’re blessed…you’ll be around to see…
you have grown up to be
the person…you always wanted to be.
I have this pair of overalls I bought in 1988…when to our cabin I first arrived
back then the overalls were new and I was 35.
When these overalls were young boy did they work hard
all around the cabin…in the driveway…in the yard.
They could work for hours with a sickle, hoe or rake…
work for an entire day without a rest…without taking a break.
But I’ve noticed something in recent years…
something I know my overalls don’t want to admit
In the 35 years I’ve owned them…they have slowed down a bit.
They seem to need more breaks…they don’t work near as hard…
they now only last an hour our two…in the driveway or the yard,.
I guess it was inevitable and the truth must now be told…
in the 35 years since I purchased them…my overalls have grown old.
But since they’ve been so good to me for so long…I won’t let them know…I know…
and when I put them on…I am happy to let them work a little slow.
To let them work at their own pace…and as you may have guessed….
to let them take as many breaks as they might need…to let them take a rest.
There is no need to buy new overalls…these old ones work just fine
only now the way we work together has, for us, been redefined….
I’ve learned a lot from these old overalls…and the stories they have to tell.
I only hope I’m treated with the same respect when I grow old as well.
They’re now washed and put away…this year we didn’t quite finish the lawn….
but that’s okay…we’ll get it finished…the next time I put them on.
Here’s a little bit of news that might not be of interest to you but I’ll tell you anyway…
Bryan, our eldest son, turns 45 today.
Here’s another little bit of news to share as we travel down life’s path…
each year we get a little older…no matter how we try…we can’t escape the math.
“Deborah! Help me out.”
I asked since I’ve never been very good at adding numbers in my head.
“If Bryan is 45…that makes me…
After punching numbers into her calculator,
“Old!” Is what she said.
45…how that number brings back memories of a time not so long ago when a younger me played my 45 PRM records on my stereo.
“My grandpa called it a gramophone.” I told Deborah, “if the truth be told…I remember how I was but a child then…and my grandpa…he was old.”
Still punching numbers on her calculator…Deborah smiled then said, “Wow!”
“Your grandpa was around 69 years old back then…and you’re that same age now!”
I can’t be as old as the numbers say…I thought in words best left unspoken.
I think there is a very good chance…Deborah’s calculator must be broken.
Because here’s some other more important news
that, for me, with each years gains more and more appeal:
my wrinkles show only how old by body is…
not how old I feel.
I’m glad to wish Bryan a 45th Happy birthday…
as he travels down his chosen path…
while at the same time discovering…
There is a way to escape the math.
When it comes to the mathematics of age
and numbers and birthdays…I have simply redefined it…
and I’ve hidden Deborah’s calculator
in a place she’ll never find it
I’d like to take a minute and talk about growing old…It’s something many people do…
and if you’re lucky in this life…you’ll, one day, grow old too.
Some say getting old is hard and they don’t really want to do it.
I say getting old, like any part of life, is all in how you view it.
Sure getting old means I don’t walk as effortlessly or as fast as I walked before….
but that means I get to lean in and hold on to Deborah a little more.
I might not see as well as when I was young
and when someone speaks…I might not hear every word
but, then again, I have seen so many wonders….and so much beauty I have heard.
I might not get up from the floor as gracefully as I once did
and some days it seems impossible to bend
but getting old is the only way to have old memories…and old friends.
A look in the mirror tells me I’m not as young as I once was
and there are days I wish these wrinkles and spots on my skin would scatter
but getting older also makes me realize…those things…don’t really matter.
Even on the days I wonder if my wrinkles are turning into cracks…
I remember I raised a family…
I’m retired
I am happy…
It’s my time to relax.
For I have gained the wisdom of my years
I know more than I ever thought I’d know
I’ve been lucky to be around …to watch my children and grandchildren grow.
I could go on and on about the benefits of growing old…for there really its no cap…
but after thinking and writing for a while now…I think I’ll take a nap.
Before I do let me remind you to celebrate getting old.
It’s a part of life, I guarantee, you will not want to skip
Just be careful how hard you celebrate however…
after all…you wouldn’t want to break a hip!
His question was a simple one…if the truth be told.
The answer…not so simple:
What’s the best way to grow old?
He received a myriad of responses.
Some said the best way to grow old is wealthy
others said where the weather’s warm
still others mentioned healthy
Some said they would like to grow old with dignity and grace
others merely wrote: with a smile on my face
Some said they’d like to grow old in the house where their children grew
others thought that wisdom would help to see them through…
In reading all the responses…he felt extremely blessed
but one answer he discovered stood out from all the rest.
One couple did not mention money,
or health
or any kind of weather
In answer to the best way to grow old…
they simply wrote:
together
We have four grandchildren in our life and we love they came our way.
We remember when each was born…as if it was yesterday.
When they were merely babies we held them in our arms
and through the years we’ve been enchanted and captivated by their charms.
It’s fun to look back wistfully to a time when they were smaller
because over the years…we’re not sure when…they’ve all grown so much taller!
We use to kid with them when they were younger…oh how the kids would fuss
When we’d put our hands on their heads and say…
“You’ll never be taller than us!”
Well…the first grandchild grew taller than Nana years ago,
followed by the second
then the third…
and Nana smiled as each one overtook her…without saying a word.
But the other day, reminding us how time often passes in a blur,
Nana noticed our youngest granddaughter is now looking down on her.
Nana, who once carried all our grandchildren easily across the floor
in the blink of an eye, or so it seems, is shorter than all four.
(I probably would be more sympathetic to Nana…to this growing reality
If I didn’t realize that all too soon…they’ll also be taller than me!)
Of course we know that’s the way it goes…the way the years are supposed to pass
still in our wildest dreams we never expected…the years would pass so fast….
But as I see Nana and our grandchildren now standing side by side
I have to smile when I think how much we’ve enjoyed the ride….
So the fact they are taller than Nana…
is not something we bemoan
because we have enjoyed every minute
of every hour
of every inch
that they have grown….
A funny thing about growing old (which happens to all of us equally)
is that our hearts and minds keep telling us we’re young…
but our bodies don’t always agree.
Take Deborah and I for instance…in the 30 odd years since we were engaged
while our hearts have grown a little younger…it’s our bodies that have aged.
It appears however young our hearts feel…our bodies like to tease.
We don’t see or hear as well, we’re getting shorter and we both have faulty knees.
Our young minds want us to do things…and they are often quite persistent
but when we ask our bodies to perform…they can be quite resistant.
Oh, our hearts and minds generally win out…usually get their way
but our bodies tend to be upset and scold us the next day.
Another funny thing about growing old (this is something worth shouting about!)
When you find someone to grow old with…you learn to help each other out.
When I don’t see or hear something…Deborah’s assistance I enlist
to tell me what just happened…to show me what I missed.
When Deborah is too short to reach something…or if it’s too high for her to see
She doesn’t fret…she doesn’t stew…she just calls on me.
If my knees give out…if I should fall…and land upon my seat
I know Deborah will be right there to help me to my feet.
Yes, it seems as we grow older…another fact we can’t ignore
when one of us is able to do a little less…the other helps a little more
And we know from past experience…a truth we happily proclaim
whenever they are needed…our friends and family will do the same.
Which means with all this love around us
we can grow old with no regrets…
allowing our hearts and minds to stay young…
no matter how old our bodies get.
One look at this photo…I see I’m missing some hair
and if I’m not mistaken my eyelids have slid
although it’s really quite difficult for me to know
because I don’t see as clearly as at one time I did.
My hearing is going, which I don’t understand
and I ask this with as much confusion as vigor…
How am I able to hear less now that I’m older
when my ears have gotten bigger and bigger?
And don’t get me started about my memory
for hardly does there come a day…
When…wait!…there…it happened again
I forgot what I was going to say…
But when I put the photo down and walk through my house
my misery quickly comes to and end
For wherever I look I see reminders and remnants
of a life filled with family and friends…
Reminding me as I get older
Something I long ago ascertained…
Not to concentrate on the things that I’ve lost
but instead…
on the things that I’ve gained.