#depression #confusion #feelings #hate #empty #alone #thoughts

Dreams?

Folder: 
Thoughts and Rants

Dreams are like cigarettes. At one end its on fire, but quickly turns to smoldering ash and smoke that dissipates into an abyss of nothingness. while at the other end the life is being sucked out of you until nothing remains except an old, dried up, decayed butt thats left in rememberance of a life that used to be. they cause temporary relief to a never ending chaotic cycle. then its back to a reality of tried and failed attempts. when one draws nye, another shortly follows in hopes that it will be the last so you can finally live happy and free. but, thats rarely ever the case with an insane mind stuck in a so called sane world. so you spend everything, even down to your last dime. wondering why, why bother, whats the point. realizing those questions are never answered. yet you go on day to day the exact same.

i was never special

i was never special
better never 
never more 
But I wanted to be 
and tried 
But the world is cold 
And calloused over
Its always why I lied 
You can't come in 
where you gonna go 
Everything's been denied. 
My mixed mistakes 
Fault me now 
I Saw myself and cried 
End on high
Now that's a plan
Death until I died
No such luck 
Cross me now
On the other side 

puzzle piece

Am a puzzle without it's pieces or a piece missing from a puzzle?

 

I ponder, as I count the beats from an involuntary muscle

haunting darkness from within,  my blood it will guzzle

whirlpool - spiral of feelings, constant mental tussle

these blackened plugs, dried up, unhealed

the knife grows dusty, memories sealed

difficult to describe, truth revealed

mutilation, as skin is peeled

back

reopen scars

draw red from black

I'm not dust from stars

I'm different, scary and grim

I welcome the silence, i let light dim

I resign, I regret but then relive the sin

soaked in self-doubt/hate and hurt to the brim

marinated by self loathing, untrusting and paranoid

im morphing, developing, merging with the evil i create

truth of myself - not to reiterate socially, a self made teratoid

the only understanding, only relation to life - this unsupressant hate


Am I a piece

or the puzzle?

Am I a piece

or am I just trouble?

Am I the puzzle

without the piece?

No, I'm broken

a life made to cease

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspiration from http://www.postpoems.org/authors/soccergirl1213/poem/998600

 

21/12/14 @ 23:37