#anger #abuse #hurt #betrayal #lust# disappointment# life # heart # truth # suffering # sadness # pain # happiness # empty # mistakes # fate # time # difference # madness # theone # learninglove #dreams # poetry # longing #prison # chained

Secrets in the Wall

Folder: 
Mental Illnesses

It was late.

I watched the walls

like they had secrets.

Like maybe if I stared at it long enough,

they would show themselves to me.

The hallways,

they appeared to be getting darker.

Like maybe everyone in the house had went to sleep,

or my eyelids were drifting me to sleep.

But they were wide open.

Wide enough

because I was trying to make him appear.

I thought that these secrets were his secrets.

The reasons he said those things to me.

That maybe if I saw him,

he would explain why he left.

So these walls,

which were not in any correlation with him,

maybe they could find him for me.

Through the door,

of which I keep shut

to keep the shadows in the dark out,

came his shadow.

It creeped in, into my bedroom

and stood before me.

I did not know if it was him

because there was no expression.

His face a canvas

on which I could have painted a different story,

but all I saw were the secrets,

the little lies,

the major abuse.

The pain he left me in

all because he was in pain himself.

He said he know how to love,

but he must not of known what that meant.

Which must of been his secret.

The walls are hiding the fact

that maybe he never loved me.

Maybe if I stare at this wall long enough

it will crush me

becuase my sorry excuse of a father,

he crushed me.

Taught me I can't trust,

I can't love   anyone.

Because there are too many secrets

hidden in their walls.

Anger

Folder: 
Subjects

An emotion that stands,
When thrown around it’s the one that lands,
It grasps at your hands,
And gives out its commands.

 

A shadow in the light,
Your own red knight,
When you stand down it will fight,
It creeps in the night.

 

A rush through your blood,
Takes you through a flood,
Drags you through the mud,
It digs its roots with a spud.

 

Nerves cantered at the past,
The flame that causes the blast,
Memories so vast,
The demands so fast.

 

The insides that never smile,
While you do it will compile,
Without realizing the new isle,
It will go the extra mile.

 

 

When out it hurt the surface,
Never understanding its purpose,
It will always resurface,
Burning hotter than the furnace.

there's this anger

There's this anger inside of me

That just wants to be set free

It comes from deep inside my pain

Ever since I lost my girl things never felt the same

I lost her awhile ago

To an ex boyfriend of hers that wouldn't let her go

He treated her like a pile of crap that's all she ever got

When she wanted to leave him he took her out with one shot

The shot went straight in her forehead

In an instant she was dead

I'm not going to tell the rest of the story

It's just to gory

That happened April 22nd 2010 

Ever since then mhy life has come to an end

I haven't told anyone this mabye its just ingorance

I haven't even told my parents

Ever since that horrible day

I had this anger that just won't go away

It make me sometimes laah out at the people around me

Make some get so angry

I'm done writing this

The more i think about this the more I get piss

A walk through the thorns

A walk through the thorns being beaten and scorned thinking back on it now, Wow! how I am floored.  In plain sight she hides her full intentions, for when we are alone she puts me on suspension. This black heart she wears all through my life, causing friction and division, one full of strife. Now she makes a friend one just as evil, together they could take anyone back to a time, that would be called medieval. I do not remember my life before I was nine, just flashes of time none that are happy or mine. I still manage to push through it, no matter hard time’s get, when the memories come I just try to forget.  

Written by,  Rob Casteel