alone schizophrenia death suicide

Schizophrenia

Folder: 
Mental Illnesses

Aimlessly she stares

at the patterns on her wall.

"It's not real" she says

as the wall

closed in on her.

"It can't be real" she yells

as she hears

footsteps around her.

"Are you home?" 

She textes her sister,

but she replies no.

"Why can I hear you?"

She screams.

The voices,

they sound exactly

like the people I know,

but they can't be real.

My grandma would never say,

"Kill yourself!"

I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

"Yes you do."

My mother tells do.

I DON'T want to.

"No one loves you!"

My bestfriend tells me.

I don't.

"It would be so easy."

My boyfriend says.

I though I could be happy.

You will never be happy.

You don't deserve happiness.

I fight off these thoughts,

but they aren't thoughts anymore.

They are voices in my head.

They are people

   who aren't actually there.

They are the shadows

   that lurk around me.

They are the walls

   I feel closing in.

They are my fears

   and my dreams.

They are always here

but they aren't real.

It's not real.

It can't be real.

Why is it real?

 

View lostboyjojo's Full Portfolio

Sacrophilia

Sacrophilia

I am ready to sacrifice my dead past

Extinguish my last flickering light at last

Go to rest among the peaceful settling dust

My last memories to forever encrust

Like Abrahams son in the land of Moriah

I am ready to end a life of being a pariah

I embrace what is ahead and leave what is behind

Balanced in soul and unbalanced in mind

Forever ending pain forever ending in peace

Left for the yapping dogs to rip piece by piece

Schizophrenic Metaphor


Into the depths of my death,
a world where I reside
Pitch within light’s rising,
Waits the damned for these eyes

Voices from whore’s demons,
giving birth to my demise
Creeping inside are nightmares,
following close in steadily stay

Nowhere inside nether’s reach,
sanctum void of anguished screams
Pleading for cease to calling echoes,
rapture mocks me on my knees

Blood dripped off shepherd’s brow,
granted forgiveness avoids hell’s fate
Gracing solace before your grave,
but angel’s kingdom forgot my name

Condemned to realm of tortured souls,
thoughts exist with constant screams
From left to right an illusion’s maze,
so speaks judgment’s absent proof

Hall of tortures paused in time,
bound by shackles to the wall
Blackened souls to taunt each fear,
grimaced faces become my own

View of world beneath façade,
horrid scenes curse my sight
come wraith of wails to haunt the gaze,
a cast off shroud reveals yours too

Hidden thoughts of screaming dire,
I assume each fear evoked to mind
Repeated in mirrors that never cease,
my madness shouts in constant drone

Formidable foe is touch me not,
I cringe in surrounding’s ominous clutch
Obsessions vex with sieging flood,
clinging tight in the water’s rush

Washing away these tears I hide,
allows no witness for my faults
Approaching near behind my back,
your eyes I feel in constant follow

© C.E.Vance

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A moment from my silence.