# addiction #hurt #betrayal # disappointment# life # heart # truth # suffering # sadness # pain # happiness # empty # mistakes # fate # time # difference # madness # theone # learninglove #dreams # poetry # longing #prison # chained # renewal # survivo

The Reinvention

If you're looking for M.T.P well you found him,

Lucy tried to drown me. Now I'm back with a

Whole arsenal of poetic weaponry to murder

My adversaries, it's very necessary. So many

Tried to behead me, because of my belief. I

Killed Lucy, when she was seducing me. A

Knife to the head, defeated my tournament

Mistress. I got my Mrs. beside me, her name

Is Kasey. She help reinvent me, she didn't

Even run away on our worst days and she's

Just awaiting for better days to be given 

After my reinvention…

Tidal Wave

His heart beats loudly as his fingers

Intertwine in my hair. Our legs braid together 

Fused like one. My hands glide up and down his chest. 

Our eyes close. A sudden pulse on my torso 

Causes me to reach for the bomb. Little did I know, 

How soon it would detonate. I look at the cellular device,

Its from her.

Daniel, I do so much for you. And this is what 

I get in return. 

 

My face burns crimson. “Kelsey! Kelsey?”

His body jolts forward. My hand reaches his face.

His face turns away, on impact. 

I toss the phone at his body, as I lose all breath.

 

Daniel, I do so much for you. And this is what 

I get in return.

 

The text floats into my mind, as I drown.

Thoughts whirr, stirring up a giant wave.

It crashes out of me as I begin to recount all the times 

He was unfaithful. All the times he made me feel like 

Less of a person, as I took him back each time.

 

“How many times are you going to do this to me? 

Do you enjoy destroying me over and over? 

Ripping me apart limb from limb. Chomping away 

At any of the confidence I have clung onto. Making me

Know I’m as ugly as I feel. Not pretty enough 

To maintain your loyalty?”

 

I wait for the same response I have heard

Countless times before. He looks deep into 

My eyes, before striking the same whip that

Lashes me, no matter when.

 

“I didn’t do anything.”

 

His answer feels like a massive rock.

Blocking my waves from crashing over 

Back into the shallowness. 

For a moment the water stands still.

 

Memories rise like soft crests, then 

Fall back into the dark troughs. 

The pain comes back, a never ending tide.

The abyss erupts underneath. 

 

“I can’t. I just can’t do this to myself anymore.”

 

The storm reads loud and clear. His face flushes

As he comes to realization that our final raft 

Has finally sunk. He tries to embrace me.  

“Leave, now.”

 

His body clings tighter, refusing to sink.

“No, please, I love you.” For a second he rips me

Back into the dark waters of our love. 

I break the surface as he tries to cling on.

 

I see the rage come out of him

His anchor pulls farther down into the darkness.

His embrace turns rough as he closes in 

Like a shark out for blood. He rips and tears for me

Through the waves. “You can’t leave me alone

you can’t!”

 

I push him off, the moment leaving 

Stings on my body. I swim away to safety

Out into the night. I look at the stars for 

Comfort but their glow illuminates the 

Sadness in me.

 

Three years spent, riding the same wave.

Hoping that one day the water would break

Revealing the paradise, I thought we could reach.

That night, I began to sail towards my own utopia.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Other Me..

Some days are good some days are bad

It likes to linger and suddenly vanish

like vapor

other times it stays like a dark cloud

oh dark cloud how cliche are you

staying above me

raining down whenever the sun tries to shine thru

whenever my lips crack a slight smile

whenever i think for a second i have escaped

you come back like a hissing venomous snake

im so sick of you now

i wish you werent here

but i depend on you now

youre like a devilish sneer

inside of me you sometimes peer out

and my smile turns grim 

and my eyebrows slant down

i become very dark

angry

devilish

demonic

oh what you do to me

i change

my mind becomes polluted

hero turned villain

but no one knows it but me

everything i say comes out as rage

and the angel inside me tries to come back out

but the rage cages me

like im trapped inside myself

does this make sense

that im trapped inside myself?

with the wrongness of you

 

The Truth in our Taboo

What breeds this cursed emotional deficiency?

No relation or mental consistency.

This broad detachment and lack of empathy,

Means people hold a warped expectancy

That I am struggling to fulfil.

 

Thousands of men rave about sex.

Explaining, exclaiming and ever-encasing

Beautiful women world-wide.

To show such affection is an effort for me.

Not that I can't feign and fake

The affection of fornication

But ultimately, the one show of pleasure

That is impossible to forge

Won't disgorge.

 

Hence these percieved distances,

Mutual embaressment,

Similar deteriorations of self-worth,

Makes this most emotional act on earth

Alien to this young man.

 

I'll lie with the most beautiful girls.

In silence, not understanding

Not satisfied, in all senses.

A deal breaker of festered emotion. 

They'll be silent there on; propelling me deeper

To lie there alone, unsure. 

How did I ruin it?

It's either her embaressment

Of not creating my enjoyment.

Accentuating the little things she despises of herself,

Conditioning her presence with me

To the scent of disatisfaction.

 

Or I ruined it because of my maintenance,

The difficulties of being with an emotionaless man.

A Display of His Splendor

Folder: 
Life and Choices

       A Display of His Splendor

Sometimes in Life we Suffer Great Cost.

The Hurt, Abuse, even Pain or Great Loss.

Betrayal, Confusion.....even Innocence Lost.

We Suffer the Worst.  No Matter the Cost.

We Suffer so much, it caused up great Shame.

We looked all around, for someone to Blame.

But God Never Said, It'd Be Easy you see.

But these Trials and Tests are What we'd Most Need.

They Teach and Define.  Build Character with Time.

For these obstacles we Face, are a true Testament of Faith.

They're Hard Lessons we Learn.  But Bought with a Price!

They made us Feal Separate, these Fears caused by Lies.

Trust Once We All Knew.  Now Shattered through Pain.

Christ Heals Hidden Wounds.  He Removes Guilt and Shame.

He Rebuilds our Lives, from the Ruins Sustained.

They were a Foreshadow of What He'd Regain.

A Visible Portrait of his Beauty is Seen.

         A Display of His Splendor.

           God's Reflection in Me.

Written & Composed By:  Denise M. Hall

2 Timothy 2:  12  If we endure, we will also reign with him. If we deny him, he will also deny us.   13  If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, since he cannot deny himself.

2 Corinthians 4: 8  We pressed on every side experiencing troubles, but are not crushed; we are perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9  we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed, 10  through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our body. 

Isa 61:3 to provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, a mantle of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” “Then people will call them “Oaks of Righteousness”, “The Planting of the LORD”, in order to display his splendor.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The Holy Spirit has been after me with his insistence for days to post this poem.  Because of everything I have learned of late that my son has suffered.  It is a sobering experience to learn that your beloved child has been a victim of abuse.  I, myself, have suffered every form of abuse.  From sexaul abuse, that began at the age of 6, by my Step Father.  To emotional and psychological abuse by my biological father. To physical, sexual, and all of the above by my ex-husband and other people I have had relationships with.  I know all too well the hidden scars abuse can inflict on not only your human psyche,  but physically and mentally throughout your every day life.  Being able to speak freely about it all is very empowering and inspiring to others.  If my writing can touch one person; well who could ask for anything more than to help another person to not feel alone or abandoned.  But be someone who understands  why we react the way we do to authority figures, or alcoholics, or turn to drugs to numb the pain that lives in us because of the atrocities we've suffered.  To reach at least one person is the best reward I could ever ask for.  That is a true Blessing I would say.