gay love

Gay Daughter

Father, I know I bring you shame,

But I just can’t stop myself from speaking her name.

I can’t stop myself from calling her at night,

Checking in, making sure she’s all right.

I know you hate when we hold hands,

How do you expect me to conform to your demands?

Would it be different if it was a boy?

Would you smile and act coy?

Invite him inside,

Instead of making us hide?

I know you don’t like her because she’s a girl,

I know the thought of us together makes you hurl,

But if you would take a moment,

If you let her step into the light,

She might come off as urgent,

But I assure you, when I’m with her, everything feels right.

Please, father, give her a chance

Just a bit of your time,

She will save you the last dance,


She could show you how a diamond shines. 

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Writing for no one

I write because I'm angry

I write because I'm bored

I write to fill a gap

To feel less ignored

I write with no focus

I write with no joy

I write because I want

To talk to a boy

I write for me

I write to him

I write what I can't say

Usually on a whim

He will never read

I will never write.

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Will it be tonight?

2009 Poems

Wish I knew what was wrong with me,

How I can go for weeks feeling like life is fine,

Yet it only takes one night to knock me down.

One blow to the mind.

Back on the floor,

Picking up the pieces,

They never quite fit together right.

Here I am once more,

Standing out in the rain,

Waiting for the sun to shine down on me.

Waiting patiently on the shore,

The sand beneath my feet,

Looking out over the gray waves,

For mornings first light.

Wish the clouds would leave over my head,

Push away the lightning and rain.

Always searching,

Always yearning for that one person.

My bitter dream,

That comes back night after night.

Dreams of what I’ve always wanted,

Dreams of perfection,

Forever a dream.

Floats slowly overhead,

The light smoke slowly fades away,

Another dream lost,

Only to be replaced when darkness comes again.

Thought I was doing so well.

Surviving each and every day,

Thought I could make it,

Yet my heart is yearning to give in to temptation,

When all I want to do is give into love.

Can't help myself,

Drown my sorrows in drinks and men,

Six months of regret.

I don't want to do that again.

Don't want to give in,

Don't wanna have to apologize to myself,

Don't want them laughing from the corner.

It’s a battle within my head,

Between myself, and I.

Fighting what I so desperately want,

And what I so desperately need.

Where is that one man who gets me?

Can tame my wild spirit,

Yet keep me alive.

I'm on the edge of a razor,

One slip to be in oblivion.

Walking with a noose around my neck,

And knife in my hands.

One more kick,

Falling to the ground,

Coughing up dust and blood.

Stuck swimming within my own blood stained walls,

Strikes before the fall.

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Here We Are Again

2009 Poems

So here we are again,

I’m sitting alone in the dark,

Writing words into the screen.

Your still miles away,

Floating upon a cloud in my head.

A dream that still hasn't come true.

Restlessness takes over the body,

Once more feeling the need to run away from it all.

The past year of mistakes, lies and regret.

What did I gain from it?

Another scar,

More pain,

And another page in my yearbook.

A page I never want to show to anyone.

Wish I could just tear it out,

Burn it,

Throw it away,

Forget it never happened.

Yet it’s there,

Feel the stains on my skin,

Its touch around my neck.

Trying to pull me back,

Pull me down,

The black hole I’ve been trapped in.

Well baby not tonight,

I have my dream once more.

And even in the world of black,

There is still that one shining star.

So let’s get in the car,

Hit the road,

And drive until the pavement ends.

And baby where gonna go some more.

Want to reach the place where the water hits the sky,

Get lost amongst the stars.

Get lost in the light.

Slowly I’ll cut through the chains of my past.

Finally waking up.

Or just seeing the light that’s been missing for so long.

The bruises are still fresh,

And the blood is still drying on the floor.

The pain still grips my heart.

Coming to terms with what occurred a year and a half ago.

Letting it all out at once.

Watch it come crashing down,

The dark rain falling around.

Cutting away the ties that hold me down.

So here I am once more.

Back at the start.

Not moving,

Yet no longer running in circles.

Taking time to plan the route this time.

Raising the curtain on the lies.

Raising the curtain on my life.

Always holding back the pain,

Holding back the guilt,

Holding back the lies.

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I hate the way it feels

I follow at your heels

Thinking is all I do

Even though I barely know you

Your eyes make me look away

But I really want to stay

Your voice makes me swoon

Turns me into a loon

But the things you say

Make my heart sway

I can't read you at all

You don't answer my call

You asked me out

But I still have doubt

You didn't show

And by the third go

I guessed I was wrong

Now I feel like a mong

Your apologies come quick

I never think you're a prick

For messing me around

Say you don't want to rebound

I know you've been hurt

But I can't help but flirt

with you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this about someone I infatuated with.

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Untitled -- 2.10.2009

2009 Poems

Leaving a trail of destruction wherever I go,

Forever destroying every person I touch.

The Midas touch,

Yet instead of gold,

Everything turns to dust.

Everything dies in my wake,

Built it up so quickly,

To tear it down seconds later,

With only a smile upon my face.

Conflicting are my thoughts,

Knowing that inevitably I’ll be one to destroy,

Anything I hold dear.

If history is any teacher,

Then you should know better.

All I want is the one thing I’ll never let myself feel.

And all I do is chase it down,

And tear it apart,

And walk away without a scar upon my heart.

Yet the ruins lay behind me,

The hurt and the pain I caused.

Here I am smiling once more.

Looking for the next target.

The next adventure.

Thinking that maybe this is the one,

The one to be different.

That he might be the one I’ve searched for so long.

That he is the person that fits,

The missing piece.

I don't know.

I never do.

It always seems right,

Until it goes wrong.

I'll be the one to do it.

Rip them limb for limb,

Laughing as the blood runs through my hands.

Escaping into the night,

As they arrive to find what’s left.

One step ahead,

Always looking back.

The lies they will come,

Knock me down,

And the past will surround me.

And while I thought I escaped it all,

All the pain of the past,

All the torment inside.

It was there all along,

Hidden from view,

Hidden from myself.

But I know it’s here,

Deep down inside.

I'm the same person I was,

Four years has changed nothing at all.

And I may have said it best so long ago,

That I’m looking for the one person who gets me,

The one person who understands me,

The one person who accepts me for everything I’ve done wrong.

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My Dream in a Window

My dream is in the window.

The medium dark skate hair.

The body you can only find on T.V.

The man after my own heart.

Perfect, except for 9 or 10 things

Things that I could fix with just one fuck.

The problem stands with just one door

The door between two worlds.

A door between lockdown and freedom.

My dream is in the window.

Soon to disappear

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Gay Love

I love you

you don't answer

you don't call

you TXT

That's not enough

I want all of you

from your beautiful face

to your beautiful toes

I don't want sex anymore

I want more then sex

I need you

Why can't you see this

I love you so much

that it hurts to see you hurt

You cry, I worry

You smile, I'm happy

can't you see I love you


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It's You!

Gay Love

I hate you

It's you

You hurt me

you torture me

you say one thing and do another

Why should I trust you?

All you can think about is my penis

All you want is to stick me in the ass

I said show me yours I'll show you mine,

but you took advandage

Can't you see

I hate you

I hate you, that's right I went there

Bit me, you know where

Ass and Dicks that's all you can fucking think about

You know if you didn't screw me over, our Dicks would have been perfect together!

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