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the cow
my cow has spots.
why? because it doesn't have dots.
if my cow had stripes...
hmm.. i've never seen any of those types.
but my cow has spots and they're red and greenish pink.
my cow always asks me for a drink.
so i quench his thirst,
because the cow always goes first.
wouldn't want my cow to die?
why? because that would make me cry.
and my cow is good because he never goes to the crapper.
i even wrote a poem about my cow and put it in my trapper.
and so one day.. my cow went to the town
because he wanted to see the circus with the clown
and i led him on the sidewalk to the twin towers
but that bad cow wouldn't stop smelling the flowers
so i bit him and hit him and punished him in the ear
he grabbed out the cooler and reached for a beer
he shook it up and popped it open, it got all over my shirt
i was so pissed at him, it was he i wanted to hurt
i got in his face and told him he sucked at chess.
he just ignored me and gnawed on a pack of pez.
he kicked me in the face, and that wasn't nice.
i don't want to go to the hospital, i might miss "miami vice"
i looked over at my cow, and saw him tying a noose.
and he said,
"my friend, why do you drink milk when you can drink orange juice?"
i knew then that i had gotten myself into a terrible mess
what he had in mind, i did not even have to guess
for he knew more, and i was the one who knew less
and it was he who wanted to kill me, not the cow named bess
for his forgiveness, i started to beg
he didn't listen, but instead bit off my leg
"ow" i said "now i'll have to replace that with a peg!"
the cow saw what he had done and opened the keg
we drank a toast and he paid the hospital bill
after all, i'm so happy i didn't get killed
everywhere i go is the places i limp
nowadays, i'm almost just like a gimp
but me and the cow are friends, we eat popcorn shrimp
and neither one of us is a pimp.
and at the end of the poem, i ride on a blimp.
