shoji

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

shoji

 

 

 

these silent white doors

are made, not for you and me

among other things

hold on to the knob—not there!

one more pop in the cold air

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reedited 12.03.2020

 

 

 

I noticed a grammatical error, the compound pronoun "you and I", that was supposed to be "you and me" when being called for by a verb, according to an online article about grammar which I read just now for confirming what I thought did not sound right.

 

 

Ex.:

 

"...these silent white doors

are made, not for you and *me..."


 (wrong:  "...these silent white doors

are made, not for you and i...")





 

 

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Starward's picture

Excellent tanka!

Excellent tanka!


Starward

[* /+/ ^]

tula's picture

Thank you!

Thank you, Starward, for your appreciation of this piece.  I made several poems sometime (within the past several weeks) but I've culled them.  This was the only tanka that I thought was considered an unaffected poem somehow.  I'm just trying out these [tankas] types of expressions since there is such a thing as cultural variation, I believe, & I'm certainly not an English-speaking native; nor I am familiar with whatever vernacular is there that I'm beset with.  I work in a lot of restaurants fused with various cultural heritage & that's how I learned about these social differences that are sometimes affecting one's judgements.  It's time to go to work again soon.  Goodbye & thanks, once again.

Starward's picture

Thanks for the reply.  I find

Thanks for the reply.  I find the Tanka for to be very useful in keeping my verbosity to a minimum, since I have to remain within the thirty-one syllables.  I look forward to reading more Tanka from you as you post them.


Starward

[* /+/ ^]

tula's picture

You're welcome, Starward, sir.

Your use of language is not being criticized by me; certainly it is a matter of approach, I guess, on how one should express himself/herself.  I find verbosity truly didactic & I definitely do not require you (or anyone for that matter) to adjust their own language for its sake (on a personal level of understanding that situation).  Otherwise it would be imposing on my part.  I must say please just continue on your verbosity for I do not wish to criticize the English vocabulary that which are established as an institution that I certainly have no right to control.  It was just objectively noticed since language use could be any of the approaches that can spring forth under myriads of reasons that can be factored by.  There are plentiful of inquiries and theories which could refer to these being said but I only echo those sensibilities in this capacity.  I enjoy reading poetry for what they express.  Which was why, to a considerable degree, I try (& have continued trying) to learn from my attempts by participating in Postpoems.org by posting my thoughts as honestly as possible.  Because, as language use could entail, one can say one thing and do something different, in any case (cultural or otherwise).  (This has provided freedom, too, for me.—Writing, in general.)

 

 

Thank you for your replies & for reading my poems, as well.

It is truly an honor to get feedbacks/comments from persons of such an ilk, real bards, & I simply try to learn stuff from this as I go about studying and appreciating language, dually.

 

Have a good one.

 

 

tula

Starward's picture

Thanks for the kind

Thanks for the kind compliment and the insights about language that you have shared.  I like the challenge of the Tanka---because it demands such verbal compression.  One of my favorite poets, J.V. Cunningham, made an art out of just compression.  Although he did not write Tanka, his epigrams contain huge backstories and profound emotion in just a few lines of a few words.  To me, the Tanka provides opportunity to strive for that same compression.  


Starward

[* /+/ ^]

tula's picture

Noted.

Noted.