Unfinished (Rough Draft)

(Rough Draft)

Tongue twisted,

and hand tied,

she knocked me off my feet,

at full running stride,

Never saw her coming,

but felt her getting closer all the time,

I loved her in whispers,

but like hot breath on a cold night,

the words lingered in the air,

that single silent moment,

her hand brushed aside a wild wisp of hair,

I found myself wishing what her hands would be like to hold,

and the very next second,

I was falling,

falling so fast it seemed like the sky was screaming

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SSmoothie's picture

this is beautiful! I would

this is beautiful! I would leave it a falling. but having said that I cant wait to read the rest of this gorgeous piece!


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ยก$&am

allets's picture

Screaming Skies, Batman!

I loved the sky screaming as you fall, the line breaks are a puzzle. The S Skies is Surreal. Internal rhymes might help with the flow (I read it out loud) to capture your voice which is wonderful.  Needs a title "Unfinished?" or Finishing Touch ~Lady A~

 

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