witrhout God

short poems

since infancy my destruction began

questioning God, have i been bad?

the love i give never returns to me

the lines we crossed could not be seen

even in crowds i feel so alone

cuz all my life i've been on my own

i've never known anyone i can trust

friends i've made punched me in the gut

the only time i had a family

they made it clear they never wanted me

my tainted heart beats through the cold

this inconsistancy is growing old

exactly what point did God give up on me

i'm not like Him cuz i still believe

Author's Notes/Comments: 

june 3, 2009. i felt really alone that day

View sic's Full Portfolio
palewingedpoetess's picture

Keep this in mind, you are not alone even when you feel most alone. Your poem made me think of a line from the song Hands by Jewel when she sings WHERE THERE IS A MAN WHO HAS NO VOICE THERE ARE SHADOWS SINGING. God is all around and sends all sorts of people to us to teach us. Perhaps your life has been full of let downs and disappointments maybe even pain but even pain is a tool, heart break too can be used as a tool. It teaches us what treatment and or behavior we will not accept from future people we meet. When you feel you have nobody to talk to, Go seek out a person of God a pastor, a priest, a cleric whatever makes you feel comfortable. I am not catholic but if I needed council those would be people I'd seek as they are patient listeners and maybe can give you a perspective you never thought of before. A lady pastor helped me years ago when I was feeling very low about somethings at the time I could not understand and all she did was just listen. I was able to unburden my fears and she gave me a few wise words to think on and I changed my path and got past that then fearful bump in my road. I truly do believe that one of the best things in this life we as humans can do is allow God to love others through us. If you see a need fill it if you are able. On a day you are feeling very low go to your nearest soup kitchen and volunteer to help feed the homeless people. That for me, really puts my problems in perspective. Just try to cling to the truth which is we are never alone no matter how alone we feel. Its the ego based mind's perception nothing more. If you delve quite a bit deeper into yourself your soul will whisper to you and tell you a very different glorious truth. In your flawed body is housed your eternal treasure your perfect soul and that soul has willingly come here to this earth to learn and to help teach others. You will be fine. Just work at being more aware not just self aware but all around aware of the little things going on around you. We have no idea of all the good we do when we just go to the red cross and donate one pint of blood. That could be the pint that saves a young mother's life and allows her children to grow up with a mother and not be motherless. I could go on and on but I've gone on and on enough. I think I have given you something to think about and a place to start in seeking joy and with inner personal joy comes love and that attracts alike love from others. I wish you all the best if you need to talk this out I'm easy enough to find. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us. A sincerely concerned individual, Melissa Lundeen.