Week Six



I walked cautiously from Katie's office in Bricker to the third floor of the seminary to be closer to God when I replied to you… shook half way there, lost my breathe three separate times on the way up the stairs, lost my nerve just the once opening the door, stepped into the large illuminated bathroom, sat beneath the wall of frosted windows leaning myself against the radiator for support, then started possibly the most important conversation of my entire life, said

“rumour is you hang out around here, and I know I’ve said things like this before and I know in one way or another you’ve always granted me my wish and I know that it’s never really been what was right for me, and I know I’ve always said after it was all said and done that I was sorry and I won’t ask again…so I won’t ask you to please let this work, I won’t beg you to just give me what I want, I won’t say that I know that he’s the one, instead, what I will do, what I will beg, what I will ask of you is that if you do have greater plans for me, if there is someone that you’ve made who fits me more, who is waiting for your cue to come in at the right moment, would you consider, just this once, putting all your plans on hold? Would you let me have this one last desperate grasp at my free will, let him come around, let me calm down, let us work this out just once more…and if, if…if I find for myself with my own mind in my own time that this was not the right thing for me, that you have greater plans…then I’m all yours….”


 Then I cried and replied and said things I was sure only a fool would say given the texts you sent before…because maybe he does exist, maybe there is someone the universe wants me to be with more, maybe it’s time I stopped trying to have my own way…. Or maybe he doesn’t, there isn’t and I do  

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and_hera_met_zeus's picture


i WISH i had thought of that perfect place and that perfect prayer the last time i was at that point.  excellent write!!! shows meaningful insight into who you are and how you respond to crises.  i'm sending a wish that you find the quickest route to peace, whichever route that happens to be.  

running_with_rabbits's picture


thank you so much for your kind words :) I ought to point out that were I perfect I'd not need the "perfect place and perfect prayer" in the first place ;) all times we do our best, sometimes our best still sucks because we simply have that little to give, because we are all human...so you did what you could last time you were at that point, and it was the perfect thing for you at that time <3 Thank you for your wishes for peace...it's a process, and I think I am getting there :)

Much Love