PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Things I now know about myself, possibly, all thanks to you:

1. I can stand across from my ex* at the salad bar in Google and not realise I even saw him*
2. the fact* that there is a paranormal romance section* in the book store doesn’t surprise me* though it does creep me out*
3. looking at photos of that time* we had that glow-in-the-dark-mini-sword* fight* in my living room the Christmas* I first moved* then spent the night* taking silly* photos* with the camera Mariah rented from school* makes me cry**
4. it is only* when* I am actually faced with* your existence* that I am willing to admit how much* I still want this*
5. you aren’t the only one* who is able to lie* to themselves*

*

EX: You said ‘never go back, you broke up for a reason’ I said ‘sometimes it’s bad timing not bad fitting’

HIM: You were right he didn’t deserve me…but you are wrong because you do

FACT: I called you ‘Darel and the Hypocrites’ when you got back with Victoria, not because you advised me weeks before to not get back with Jon, but because I had invited you over that day to tell you I had feelings for you and I was hurt that my previous argument had swayed you…

PARANORMAL ROMANCE SECTION: It’s mostly just vampires and werewolves, I guess no one writes about empaths and physics these days, still I searched for our story, hoping I could find us a happy ending ME: Admittedly I’ve read twilight, but you knew that, and loved me anyway

CREEP ME OUT: All I found were stories of abusive relationships being made to seem romantic and a sudden understanding of why you were willing to forgive her… 

TIME: I wish we had more time

SWORD: Mine was yellow yours was green

FIGHT: I hate the word ‘fight’ now

CHRISTMAS: I don’t know what to do with your present now

MOVED: The house was so empty back then, we had all this space to grow and fill out, no wonder we got so cluttered and dismayed

SPENT THE NIGHT: not like the first time you “spent the night” spent the night, when we talked about Sartre’s the look and I asked you how I existed to you and you replied with a sentence dressed as a poem and wooed me into admitting that I had wanted to kiss you for the last two years and so we made up for it all in one go…

SILLY: I miss how you make me laugh

PHOTOS: When I’m angry at you enough I turn on my computer and look at them until I remember that I miss you

SCHOOL: I still think about how we would have been had we made it to the school year, sitting back to back in window desks on the seventh floor of the library getting work done before going back to your house where we’d get nothing but not get sleep done

CRY: Do you ever think of me and cry?

CRY Never mind I don’t think I can handle that answer

ONLY: I am lying

WHEN: It is all the time

FACED WITH: like when those photos come up on my screen saver, or I open my text window and scroll down, or the girls ask how I’m doing, or the cute guy at Victoria Park having a smoke at his friend’s wedding hears me singing and asks if he can swing with me, or it’s a Monday/Wednesday/Friday morning in existentialism class and we’re reading “the [goddamn] look”, or I’m meeting Sujoy at your school for lunch, or I’m typing up my poems from the week, or I stupidly went on facebook, or I check my emails from ToTE, or I have a second of stillness or reflection or thought …

YOUR EXCITANCE: Which is more complicated and flawed now

HOW MUCH: Which is more than I want poetry or music or my Dean of Students Honor Rolled GPA

WANT THIS: Which is always

THE ONLY ONE: But you are the only ‘you’

LIE: After all is said and done, if you really need me to, I will still lie

THEMSELVES: Why are we still both lying to ourselves?