Defense Mechanism

Sometimes I crawl deep inside myself
At the first glimpse of failure and pain
Sometimes, I just can't help myself
Always expecting the same old same
Yesterday has always taught me that tomorrow everything could change
That there is no solidarity except to be left in my remains
Hold on tight or let it go, it all turns out the same
So I put up walls to keep out what's always driving me insane


And I'm sorry
I never meant to be this way
And I'm sorry
I never meant to run away


But sometimes life isn't all it's meant to be
And now, the truth can be spoken easily
I lost everything I ever cared to keep
And I was just to scared to mention what it meant to me


And I'm sorry
I never meant to cause you pain
And I'm sorry
It wasn't meant to be this way


But life isn't as easy as it should be
And sometimes life is just too hard for me
I know you got caught up in between
And I wasn't there in your moment of need


And I'm sorry
I know I'm the one to blame
And I'm sorry
I never meant to run away


I put up my defenses
To shelter all my senses
See I've been blinded before
It might seem so senseless
All the things that I keep hidden
It's just easier than coming back for more


So, I'm sorry
I should've never walked away
And I'm sorry
I never meant to be this way
And I'm sorry
I know that I'm the one to blame
So, now, I'm sorry
I never meant to cause you pain

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bishu's picture

Crystal clear insight into human psyche You rocked at 10Richter

Respected RoC Crystal clear insight into human psyche You rocked at 10Richter


©bishu 

 

RoC's picture

Thank you, B

Glad you enjoyed.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

This is really really

This is really really touching. In fact my first read you had me tearing up. Second read I came to my senses, and third read I felt compelled to ask you if you know saying you're sorry is just a courteous formality, right? I mean, the proof is in the change, right? 

 

;-)

 

Wtf...who cares, right? Hell I read it three times it must be damn great!!! Lol good to read you're writing. Haven't seen your stuff in awhile.


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

Thank you

That has got to be one of the best comments you've left me. Three times, you say, before commenting?
Glad I had something to offer. My writing hasn't been all that free flowing lately, and some of them just sound forced (a little)


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Of course I like it. You

Of course I like it. You know, I always say---saying "sorry" is really just a courtesy...a formality, a plea that tells he other person, "our relationship still means something to me worth putting energy into".

 

The problems arise when people don't back up the "sorrys" with actions that match the flowery words. But also...wow, it is really nice when the words and actions are there. I'm not good at "sorry words". I get all weepy and cry baby like. I'm better at just shutting my mouth and proving it. That's why I liked this one so much. I can't do it!!! Lol.


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

RoC's picture

Then

If ever you need to find the words for an apology (as rare as the occasion may present) then feel free to allow me to put it into words for you. I am always willing to help.
The message in this one was more "the only way I can prove regret and remorse is to apologize and set you free, by walking away"
I know that it looks like a coward's move, but sometimes it takes more strength to stop causing someone else pain than it does to stay and waste the other's time when they could be seeking something better for themselves.
I think it was Kelly Clarkson who said "I love you enough to let you go"


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

nightlight1220's picture

Oh I have no problems with

Oh I have no problems with apologies. I do that all the time. I just don't overdramatize much. I get to the point and get better. 

 

Yea....some of us are just..."weird" like that. We save the lovey dovey stuff for where it belongs...in-deed. The time to walk away is well, when you become a quitter. Letting go is in the head. My worst arguments are with people who quit...I still love them all. Sssssssssmooches, dear RoC. But the drama in this is what I love so much...and that, you can't give away...it's a special gift. Hold on tight. 

 

;-)


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

SSmoothie's picture

Oh, how many times I've

Oh, how many times I've wondered how I've done this but alas I have my arrogance seems to esacpe me... you have put the remorse down here beautifully! great work! Hugss 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

RoC's picture

Oh, the remorse

How we all suffer from its implications.
Sometimes walls are put up to be broken down, and others, well, they're just to keep everyone out.
Thank you, luv. You've no idea how much it means to be relatable in these uncertain days.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr

Glim's picture

Reading this makes me feel

Reading this makes me feel sane. I've been there, felt the same kind of pain.

RoC's picture

Sanity is relative

Thanks G, glad you enjoyed and related to it.


"Music is a universal language and needs not be translated. With it, soul speaks to soul" - Songsterr