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Mindful It's one of those
we're taking water
situations
Only in this case,
the water
is
life pouring into me
and similar to
water,
life is good,
but this quantity
is deadly.
I wonder if I
remembered
To pack a life vest.
:)
well one thing is for sure, you are your father's son <3
I really enjoy the start, its strong, catches attention, and makes me excited for the poem to come. That being said I'd try and bring the rest of the poem up to that level. I feel like the poem would be stronger if you illude to how water is life overtaking you..."Only in this case the water is life pouring into me" is telling not showing, which is okay and also takes from the impact of the first couple lines, so maybe try visuals of water overflowing things or discribe famous floods...
and welcome to PP!
Much Love
Ashley
Yep!
i like this one a lot! Keep writing!
You have a way with images
and ideas. Encore! Loved the spark of "life vest". To much life pouring in...you are well come to the poet's abnormal state of edge-walking. Writers do not hold back those first intuited notions - that is where the originality is birthed. - allets
Thank you, kindly, and I'm
Thank you, kindly, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! What i've read of your work I've enjoyed myself!
I am in the process of trying to get some works published. If you'd like details, please contact me at my email. philliphorne6971@gmail.com