Sitting at my computer

Sitting at my computer.....

Thinking about what I've done
Maybe what i haven't done
Seeing what i gave up
Wish i could get it all back..
Give the world to see you smile
Give my life to hold you in my arms....
Just to hear you say i love you one more time..
The i love you with the feeling that its not a good bye..
Look at my phone thousands a times daily hoping to see you name or something from you...
Sleep... Sleep is where i want to be
Sleep is where the world is right....
My dreams have feelings, they have life
they have you!
Praying to a god who never answer me...
Praying....praying to god that i have pushed aside
The god i believed in when i was a kid...
Asking for the chance to make things right...
Hiding...
Hiding behind my work....
Hiding behind who i think i should be
Hiding in a bottle who helps me forget it all......
Hiding behind the man i thought i should be...
Thoughts running crazy
Thought.. Do you know who i am
Do i know who i am....
Is it over will i never see you smile
Hold you when you get cold...
Be the man you thought i was the man that i was..
A wall is what i put up to stop that pain i feel now thinking i would never have to face it.
Never really and truly mad...
But scared to think you found someone else or someone else who made you feel the way i wanted to...
Apathy,impassivity thing i am or was or could be... but never want to be..
I have been so fainthearted of you and everyone who could come between us...
Never stopped and realized no one could if i was there for you..
I never entrusted you with my feelings my love even my words...
My unsorted jealousy and anger was never forthright....
Always pushing you away so i couldn't get hurt..
But always hurting you in the mean time...
So to you I'm sorry for who i was
For not seeing what i had...
Wish i could have it again....
These are my words scared that my words might fall on deaf ears but just maybe you will hear the truth
My feelings, my truths i can only hope my words can reach you from the distance you have put between us,