Author Information
My Letter to Meredith Salenger
Jan. 1, 2000
Dear Ms. Salenger,
My name is Jeph Johnson, I am a poet from Portland, Oregon. I am NOT a "crazed fan" and, although I suffer from mild depression, have no history of mental illness.
Now, with that out of the way, I rank myself #133 among the host of your adoring fans.
Truth be told, I think you are one of only a handful of truly beautiful and intelligent people (both inside and out, east and west of the Mississippi) that exist in this world.
I mean, I read you went to some "college for smart people" and I've known you as a "looker" since when you were hanging out with those Corey boys in the '80's, so in order to justify my claim that there are rumors to romantic involvement between us, I thought I would let you in on it before anyone else starts asking.
Keep in mind, they are only rumors to help fuel, not only my poetic career, but also your "Upsie-Daisies®" fashion accessories, for I have included a link to your website in the Infrequently Asked Questions section of my website. Feel free to peruse, especially since you also enjoy poetry and sarcastic humor!
Please accept this e-mail as praise and encouragement.
Good luck on your continuing acting career.
Sincerely & sarcastically,
Jeph Johnson
P.S. I'd buy some Upsie Daisies® but I am bald. Do they have any other uses besides attaching on hair?
____
And she wrote me back:
wow
Thank you for your Very Nice Letter!
I will check out your site
Happy New Year
a) that is not a poem
b) you are lucky you got such a nice reply - if I were a female celebrity, I'd have been a bit scared by that letter.