You said you were my friend

i believed you, trusted you

we were hanging out

talking shit, having a laugh

thought everything was okay

i told you my fears

i told you in confidence

i didnt want to be seen as

a wimp

a coward


i asked for a smoke

thats when you made it



you used my fear, fear of guns

against me

for your pleasure

you got what you wanted

i felt sick, dirty


i couldn't sleep at night

i would cry and cry

i knew i hurt some people

even the ones i cared about

the most

even though it wasn't a real gun

just a fully loaded,

live, with a CO2 tank

paintball gun


none of my friends believed

what he did was wrong

thought i was a liar

trying to "tarnish" his name'

the only one who believed me'

was my mother

Mama Bear came out

full force

this showed who truly cared

Is this how a friend should act?

Is this what a friend would do?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is based on my sexual assult when i was 17 that took place outside my own home. writing free verse helps me cope an deal with these memories, flashbacks, and emotions/feelings

EventHorizon's picture

I'm sorry this happened to

I'm sorry this happened to you. It is human nature to hurt others physically and emotionally. When your injured the natural response is to retreat into yourself to deal with the pain. I suffer from ptsd as well and relive memories frequently from failed relationships with the opposit sex.

TwiztidXSoberBunniee's picture

this was the specific moment

this was the specific moment i developed PTSD. i trusted this guy as a friend... he was my now boyfriend's cousin. i trust the guy as a friend and he took that trust away with what he did to me. i forgave him after a while but i WILL NOT FORGET

Joanna S.