what did I ever see in him

this dull eyed man who stands before me

whom I once cared for when I was more silly than slim

he seemed to tally up his meager emotions and presume

to care for me

until the 'us' we came to know

hit on hard times and ended up falling out into

just a we

we discussed deeper insights and issues tonight

and I suffered a little in the realization

that I would have had an easier ride with him

the last time around if I'd had just a little more


now to me he's nearly a complete stranger and of our

mutual past he's appointed himself chief re-arranger

its difficult to fight the old beaten back feelings

one feels for the man whom one has been so intimate with

he gave me many little things over the years but the

most memorable was his sweet selfless lover's warm

body as a guaranteed pleasure insuring gift

even so, I have alas laid many ill feelings of will

towards this cold man to rest

though some of the finest hours I've ever spent in my

life were with this intimate stranger

if someone would have said it would all boil down

to this

a struggle just to stay out of the way of

inappropriate words I would have never endeavored

to come up with such a guess.................

( written Jan 29,1992 pm)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about Jason S........

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