SUBTLE ABUSE DEPLOYED

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JOURNAL # 41

abuse comes
in a great many forms
some so subtle
you don't even realize
that you've been abused
until some extended moments
after the actual event
when you really think about
what had happened
and slowly begin to take the
whole incident apart
wretched piece by wretched piece
small as some may believe it was
I still have to confess I felt I was abused
subtly made to feel obligated
even with my bad knee
to lug a woman's groceries up

some very steep steps
when she was far more so
able bodied than me to do so
herself and far more efficiently
on her part it was mere bullishness
and laziness that prodded her to
twist my arm with mismanaged manners
which strained a bad knee I already have
into painful contortions
had she been quite a fragile elderly
lady in real need of genuine aid
I'd have done so gladly and without question
not minding the after affects of my
painful good deed

nor groused if I had received no tip
but she was robust and vigorously
healthy
a mere handful of years older than I
which lead me to feel put upon

and itching to toss the fifty cent tip

she gave me right back at her head
whenever I go to the grocery store there is

nobody to help me take my groceries
in the house so if I were to use a
taxi service I doubt I'd ask the driver
to get out and help me

but do it as I would if I were driving myself
as I hobbled back to the car
with pains shooting quite sharply

through my bad knee
I knew in my heart if our situations
were reversed
I'd have carried all my own groceries
up those stares myself and not
put upon another who's leg had
sustained some obvious physical damage
the chore of lugging my
heavy cart full of groceries
in that instant I avowed to be
a much better and thoughtful

individual
than that particular so called lady
in my own much elder years...........
(Aug 13, 2015 840am)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A true story. Some might think i was being petty but trust me doing her bidding put me in a lot of pain for the rest of that day. Her address is burned in my mind now and I am most fervent in my prayers that I am never called upon to take her home from the grocery store again. She chose to live in an apartment with such steep steps. One can refuse to take such an apartment even if on assisted living income. I know this for a fact as a friend of mine turned down a couple places she was offered years ago cause the steps were far too steep and there were far too many of them and that was the reason she gave the people showing her the apartment and she was young but didn't want to lug groceries every week up such steep steps. I know when I get a place of my own it will all be one level living as I'm getting older and I'm sure my bad knee won't be getting better but quite the opposite.

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KindredSpirit's picture

Thank you for writing

So real and well.

KS

palewingedpoetess's picture

You are most welcome but really

what I write and you thanking me for it is like thanking another person for breathing it is something I just do like we breath without really thinking about it. The words come to me and if I didn't jot them down i'd feel like I denied something in myself. I am truly humbled by what you say but at some deeper level sometimes I feel as embarrassed as if someone is thanking me for breathing ya know? It's just not so easy to describe that feeling but I am deeply moved that others choose to read my poetry and some even choose to go a step further and take time to comment that always blows my mind. Without question it never fails. the conduit thanks you most fervently. Sincerest thanks M.