Author Information
For English
the full title of this poem is this:
Fanning the Fire:
Ode to the life of a Crazy Irish girl sho is passionate about AIDS research
Part A: Who am I?
I lead a roller coaster life
complete with steady inclines and rapid falls
to an almost manic happiness
and a depressingly low depression.
I’ve been abandoned and forgotten
broken, beaten, and raped –
or was it?
I’ve been scoffed at, laughed at, poked at,
tickled to the point of tears and slapped to the point of laughter.
You may know me
(some call me Red Devil)
I am the girl who sits in the front of the classroom with all her friends in the back
because I’m so damn ADD that I can’t concentrate if the chalkboard isn’t two feet away.
I am the girl who dresses up for Harry Potter movie premiers
and cries when the last book comes out.
I go through my own fads of wanting to be
Jewish, a rock star, a tattoo artist
NO!
This time I really mean it, I’m going to be a surgeon!
or a dancer…
Maybe I’ll make it into the Broadway musical of Rent!
Forget the fact that I’m a self-proclaimed
Pagan
lazy, good-for-nothing, Crazy Irish Girl
who can’t stand the sight of blood
and has shaky hands.
I barely sing on key half the time…
I dye my hair red
Revlon shade 42
and it would be down to my waist if only my mother would let me grow it out.
My eyes are green
not hazel
or brown
but you have to get really close to notice.
I’m pale as paper
but lack the freckles I was blessed with as a child.
I keep my nails short out of habit
and their inability to grow past my fingertips.
I crack every knuckle that will crack
and therefore suffer a small case of arthritis.
I love wearing hats, but never get past the door
before they annoy me and I throw them back into my bedroom.
I shower every single day and brush my teeth constantly,
and I rarely leave the house with more than a single coat of mascara as my “makeup”.
I wear mostly black or green
sometimes both
and my closet is arranged according to color.
I never match my socks
and I abuse the Hell out of my shoes
and if I didn’t have to
I would never do laundry.
I would just buy more pants…
Part 2: Occurrences of a Lifetime
When I was two my parents divorced
because of me?
maturity?
another woman?
…and while they were fighting in Desert Storm
or helping heal the wounded
I lived with my grandparents
who sang me to sleep
with soft
Turaluralurah’s
and defiant mocking birds.
When I was four my mother met a great man named Daniel
who saved me from a future void of love.
And exactly one day after I turned five
the three of us got married.
We promptly moved to Germany
where I quickly learned the language
and acted as a translator for my parents.
I remember fighting with Tobias
until one day I almost “broke” my knee
and he walked me home
holding my hand while crooning comforting German words until I stopped crying.
A few years later we moved back to the states
and I made friends with the skinny Jewish boy next door
and the Catholic girl down the street.
Lauren was my first best friend
but she moved to Michigan just two weeks before we left for South Carolina
and I never got her letter.
While my dad was in Maine, trying to find a way to save his marriage
my Mother, Brother, and I packed up our lives
to go and live with our cousins…
For years I was compared to their
Beauty, Intelligence, Talent…
You name it, they were better
until finally
money troubles forced us to move to a small town
in the middle of nowhere
just like we like it
called Munford
where I made no friends at all…
Then one day a short girl on the bus let me sit beside her
instead of in the back
with all the mean and nasty highs schoolers.
Back then I had magazine cutouts of Orlando Bloom
taped inside my locker –
which caused a random girl named Sarah to march right up to me and say:
“Are you the girl who’s psychotic about Orlando Bloom?”
(true story)
I spent the night at her house after going to a ballroom dance party
and we’ve been Partners In Crime ever since.
As a freshman I met this crazy girl with spiky hair
who introduced me to her Japanese fetish.
I dated a guy who toyed with me for six months
then as a rebound
a neo-Nazi skinhead ASS
but after about three days I realized
“damn…this guy is R-A-C-I-S-T!”
Needless to say, that “relationship” ended abruptly.
That summer I hung out with an older girl
whose name was Kaedi
but I call her Nyxie.
She was a bad influence (but I turned out to be a worse one)
and still is
in a good way…
Later that year
(the beginning of tenth grade)
I met “the hot new guy”
who I said had pretty teeth.
He called me “Pretty Woman”
and I called him “Hot Josh”
and to this day
we still call him that in my house…
That year at a festival
I met a crazy cook cat with dreadlocks and lip rings.
He helped me through a lot
including my faith
and before I knew it
I was a
SUPERCHRISTIAN!
Until the guy dated me…
and Casea…
and J-Bird…
and Heather…
and whats-her-face-from-the-seven-dollar-socks-concert…
All. At. The. Same. Time.
After that breech in trust
and an almost fist-fight with my Mother
I lost my faith
and was stranded in the middle of my adolescence
with no idea
where to go
or what to do
so I called a friend
for some ridiculous reason
and lost my childhood
unwillingly
to that asshole who didn’t care…
Exactly a week later I was forced on a blind date with a short wannabe “Jedi”.
We played Lazertag and I threw a pretzel at him
and just like that
I was thrust into the…worst?
whirl-wind romance a 16 year old could ask for.
For a year he treated me like an object –
a pretty thing that need to be placated
because if he said “I love you”
I ignored the other things he said and did.
I went to Ole Miss
the summer of my Junior year
and met tons of amazing people.
Thank goodness for myspace
because otherwise
we wouldn’t keep in touch…
After two months in college
I came back home and started my last year of high school.
For a while I was miserable
because of…everything…
the silence of my house –
the lack of sounds from twelve teenagers
all trying to play the same video game…
and I hated the relationship I was in.
After a few months of torturous depression
I left him
and found something new…
Part III: And So It Begins…
“Hot Josh” and I finally got together
after two years of wishful thinking
it was
about
damn
time.
I got accepted to a great school
and some money to go with.
I’ve made new friends
and solidified old friendships that needed renewals.
I remember feeling like
the steering was out in my life…
But now?
I have taken control.
I’m not just driving.
I’m dominating the highway!
and someday
I’m going to be among the best of the best.
Red Devil 2.0
Ashlee Tierney.
Remember it.
Because you’ll be hearing that name again soon…
El Fin.
