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Satan's Starlight
I found freedom in the starlight of a sinful place
Even now, it frightens me to say it
It is strange that the very best things in life
Bring such acute premonitions of condemnation
I mean
Did you know?
There is a peace which comes from believing that one day
the peace which is absent will finally be found
So how strange
That when peace is found
It brings with it
a new fear of never finding the "true" peace
Anyhow
You could say my journey started in cowardice
a puddle of it
Slinking away from the straight and narrow
with secret resolutions to be sorry later
Then I realized my answers were answers for both God and Satan
and I promised to return someday
I really thought I would
I was afraid
But I'd forgotten how to follow
Or rather
I'd forgotten how to truly fear not following
Life is a habit
(I know that now)
and the unexplored was too enticing and untamed
too beautiful
and true
it called to me
"Be wild like the wind that blew the day you took your first breath!"
So I decided to run
I ran
I decided to scream that I did not know
I would throw the tantrum I had choked down my whole life
like bile
FUCK
I am angry
wary
ashamed
and happy
(It still frightens me to say it)
And you
Maybe you love whatever is noble..whatever is right...whatever is pure....whatever is lovely......
But had you spent a moonless night
High up
Where the world just barely exists
Gasping past torrents of irresistible laughter
While you watched your soul flow like an unbridled tide
Into the soul of an other
Mixing hopelessly like one of Charybdis's whirlpools...
Would it matter if that other was a Devil?
I am not so sure
Perhaps one day I will feel the fire
But I do not know what I can do
God will not accept a disbelieving believer
And some things cannot be helped
“disbelieving believer”
U have a gift. ~S~
That means a lot <3 really.
That means a lot <3 really. so funny. I posted these 5 years ago, it's sort of nice to get some feedback <3 <3 <3
I really admire your style,
I really admire your style, but I am hesitant to comment on, or inquire about, the poem's content.
Starward
Hesitant because you'd rather
Hesitant because you'd rather not know, or because you don't want to intrude? I don't mind sharing, though I'm curious to see what you think it's about. It's hard for me to see how it comes across since I wrote it.
I did not wish to intrude.
I did not wish to intrude.
Starward
I'd love to hear what it
I'd love to hear what it brings up for you...then happy to share it's true origins ;)
I think it ascibres far too
I think it ascibres far too much to the devil; and the final lines suggest a limit to God's infinite forgiveness. As proven by the behavior of Christ's disciples during Good Friday and then after, the gift of forgiveness is not limited by the severity of the offense.
Starward
Hey Starward! Well I'm not
Hey Starward! Well...I'm not sure you're going to like my response very much (jeje sorry!). So I'll just start off by saying the last lines in the poems aren't suggesting a limit to God's infinite forgiveness, rather that God will only accept those who truly believe in and love him, and belief and love are things that cannot be forced or fabricated.
::: ::: :::
The poem speaks to a time in my life when I was wrestling with the decision to walk away from the faith (which I did). Without destroying the magic of the poem too much, I will say this: the "Devil" mentioned was an allusion to how some things which are designated as sinful by the Word (and therefore of Satan), turned out to be things expierenced as so inexplicably divine, pure, and good that if those things are of the Devil, then so help me, send me to hell.
::: ::: :::
P.S. I very much respect your faith, the respect you have shown me, your appreciation of my poetry, and your choices. Simply because I have chosen to walk away doesn't signify (by any means) that I judge or look down on those who still believe. I only hope that those who stay have as much peace, joy, and security in their choice as I do in mine. Much love! <3
This reminds me of some of
This reminds me of some of Paul Claudel's poetry, especially in his drama, in which he suggested that things deemed morally sinful, or even "of the devil" could be used, by God, for a person's ultimate salvation. Two of his plays, Parting at Noon and The Satin Slipper (this one takes twelve hours to perform and has been perfomed over a three or four nights' schedule) both proceed from this poetic theory.
Starward