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Daniel,

I can't tell you how amazing the last three and a half years have been.  Seeing you on your first day, after waiting ages it seemed, was the happiest day of my life.  I remember bringing you home and having your room ready for you, rocking chair, crib, dresser, change table... it was all just waiting for so long just to see you.  This first night home you slept the whole way through, I remember waking up just to make sure you were ok.  I remember you being so small, baths in the sink, and everyone just grabbing to hold you.  4 months into your life we took you to Cranbrook, you slept the whole way through until Grand Forks and then decided you didn't want to sleep at all until we hit Creston, I think it was the longest drive there I've ever had.  Alex and Kelsey were so excited to meet you, they had been trying to have kids for quite a while before that but eventually they got to, much later than they wanted.  

After a year, I got a new job we moved to Kelowna, you started walking in the apartment on Ellis.  I was excited, it meant more fun, more learning, and so much more growth.  Your mom was not so excited, but she had to deal with you opening cupbaords and getting into everything all of the time.  This was always so much fun for me because I could see how you were learning about the world around you.  Soon you started to mumble and try and talk, and then suddenly you were two, I have no idea where the time went, or what we did.  I remember plenty of visits to Grandma Cathy's and Grandma Joanne's, but what really stands out to me is the last 9 months.  In October you started daycare, you made friends and you started developing in ways that I couldn't even imagine.  The change was so quick, and it was exciting.  Your mom was working out of town then, and a month and a half later we split.  She was still working so you stayed with me.  We took a road trip to Cranbrook again and you had such a fun time playing with Cassie, and you were so brave and well behaved for Kelsey when Alex and I left to Calgry for the night.  I'll never forget the look when I got back from that trip, you were so happy and your eyes beamed.  We drove home and you got to spend christmas with your mom and her family.  After that it was back to living with me.  Once February was over we moved into a new place, you decided you didn't like your own bed too much and had to sleep with me everynight.  I went away for a week to visit friends on the island and met the most incredible person, Christine.  When you two met I could tell that you instantly liked her and that she would be a positive influence for you.  I hope that someday you two will be good friends.  

The last few months you've gone through some big transitions, new friends, new daycare, travelling back and forth between my home and your moms but the whole time you have stayed strong and resiliant.  Soon you will be changing from living with me full time, to living with your mom full time.  I'll be moving away to be closer to people that make me happy.  As it is, I feel alone here, except when I am with you or when I am focusing on my work.  Sometimes people make decisions that dont always make sense, sometimes they are just confusing.  I know that I will always love you and that if the need is there you can always come to live with me.  RIght now, the reason I decided to let you stay with your mom, is because you will have much more support with my family and with your moms family than you would living with me in Vancouver.  When the time comes, and Im sure it will, my home will always be open to you.  Who knows, maybe you will be coming into a new family, with a sibling that you can help and protect yourself.  Just know that you mean everything to me and I am not leaving because I dont love you, but because I do.  You can't help someone else be happy unless you yourself can find happiness first.

I love you kiddo,

Dad