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Forgetting in Remembrance
My name is Alice. Alice Walkins, and this is the story in which I learned from my own life.
I learned there is love, I learned there is pain, and I learned there is both sadness and strife.
I was so young to know much anything at all; to the rest of the world I was so small.
At the age of twenty one, I knew not much of how a life like mine would turn out at all.

I thought back to when I was the young age of seventeen.
I was neither very smart nor was I unintelligent; I was rather somewhere in between.
I was at a school dance, and I met a boy named David; he was a friend of a boy at our school.
He would come over and we would sit there for hours, talking by the pool.
It was great in those days; we didn’t have to worry about a thing.
We would sit there by the radio, and just softly sing.

Little did I know that by the age of 20 he would become my husband and that he would
stay with me through the years.
He stayed with me through each and every day; through all my hopes and fears.
We got married at a church just by my childhood house.
To me, he was my best friend, the love of my life, and my spouse.

Five months after the marriage, David was expecting to be a proud father to a young son.
Our son would be the star baseball and football player, but most importantly he would see
his dad as his number one.
My husband was so excited to have a son; I could not believe my eyes.
He seemed to care so much; it almost took me by surprise.
David supported me through my whole pregnancy;
We were both excited and I was filled with radiancy.
I made the motherly way of going to the doctor to see how I was coming along.
They didn’t seem to see anything drastically wrong.
Until that one day; when they saw a significant sign.
They looked at me with sorrow; but then acted like everything was fine.
They assured me that the test results may just be a mistake,
That what they saw on their computer was possibly a fake.

But one day David woke me up in the middle of the night.
He had this look in his eyes like everything, indeed, wasn’t all right.
I looked down beneath me at our navy blue polyester sheeted bed;
everything beneath me was the color of a deep dark red.
I covered my hand with my mouth; it felt like horror.
I was so let down on everything I had hoped for.
In my heart, I felt like I was so miserably dying inside.
Still, David helped out, held me and stayed by my side.
Through that week I was so sad; tears always filled my eyes.
I felt like everything around me was all a bunch of pointless lies.
I couldn’t stop thinking about my poor, innocent, lost baby boy.
Would he have had my eyes? His dad’s hair? We even considered the name Troy.
I wanted to blame myself; but friends from work and church helped me through it, bit by bit.
I will never forget my son, and still, on the counter we leave a small baseball mitt.
I promise I will be able to get stronger from this; to move on.
I also promise I will never forget my boy; for he was never really gone.

A few years from then, I turned the young age of twenty four.
My prayers had been answered like a knock on my door.
I was planning to have another baby; yes, of course, I was scared.
But I wanted to be a mother, because I had always cared.
One day I woke up, ready to go to the delivery room, ready to be a mother.
I knew this would be such a different experience to me; it was unlike any other.
Today I was going to have this beautiful new baby.
I planned it to be a boy named Trevor, and if it was a girl, Amy.
After about a little more than an hour, two babies were in my arms.
To them, they were far and safe from any harm.
I had twins; I successfully had one boy and one girl.
It was a miracle, this may sound gushy, but it made my heart a whirl.
I finally had children that David and I could care for, that I could love, that were all our own.
To me, this was one of the best feelings I had ever known.
A few days later, we decided to bring the twins home.
I knew we had to put up baby proof things before they learned to roam.
But all I had a problem with was that I couldn’t sleep at night.
The babies were up crying till outside it was light.
Through all my tiredness, I worked through it all.
Just a couple months later, they finally started to crawl.
They both each grew a full set of longer hair.
After awhile, they were finally able to go up and down the stairs.
Now they could speak words and talk.
They were finally able to walk.
Until that one day, when Trevor fell down the stairs after he decided to run.
That day he almost broke his neck, and let’s just say it wasn’t really fun.
As a mother, I was so scared for him and stressed out.
I was filled with fear and doubt,
Doubt that he wouldn’t get better.
Even so, I thanked the hospital in a letter.
His neck had so many stiches; I could’ve sworn he was in pain.
Both my kids looked at me like I was insane.
Trevor acted like everything was just fine.
So it took some time, but we finally got back in line.
Despite my kids’ constant injuries,
Nothing could stop me.
David and I were always there for them whenever they needed us.
When we helped them out, I stopped making a big fuss.
It makes me think; what would it be like if Troy were here.
I knew the day was coming near.
Soon enough, by the time they were ten; the twins asked if I ever wanted to have another kid before.
As usual, I asked them what they wanted to know for.
But I told them without any tears.
I learned so much through all these years.
I learned so much in just a few years of my life.
Most importantly, I learned I could make it through, no matter how much pain and strife.
We don’t forget the memory of it.
On the counter, still sits a small baseball mitt.