My Choice

The Love

When I expire 

Heaven better have room to hire

Resume: human being who did more dying than being really anything

I feared my shadow to prove to God I was worthy of something greater than what?

Unknowingly I signed a contract to

Preserve innocence in ignorance to 

The job description that was orally passed down

From one man to another

Wearing silk robes and hand stitched scarves

Claiming that

If I were to die today, I would go to hell

Because I did not fear the Lord.

What kind of career is a career sought 

When I never saw the world?

And the mother of that baby is only 16 years old

In tears

Because she sinned for love, and love repaid her by signing her up for a job

That she was not ready to apply for

Nor did she have quite the skill set, yet

Regret for the debt she piled on plastic cards

And the dirty laundry is hanging for all to see 

What a "slut" this sinner is now that 

What they all told her to do was

"The right thing."

Tables turn.

Her salary has been cut because she struggles in a job she was thrown into too soon

She smiles when that baby smiles

But when he's asleep, she cries because 

Where the fuck was God

When her classmates vandalized her locker 

And when her baby got sick with pneumonia

And when his heart started to fail,

She quit her job, and the world fired her

Because hanging from the ceiling by her neck was the "easy way out."

I look down at my application.

If heaven is worth this pain, Id rather die with my own claims, not shame for some man made game of

Right and wrong.

I'm done playing along.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have been scared to post how I feel about sensitive topics for a long time. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time with loving myself and just really finding my voice. When I traveled to Chicago, I finally saw that my voice was unique and individual and that individuality and the choice to be yourself is important. Without a YOU in the world to make YOUR decisions, you lose something so important. The right to make our own choices is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to me. That's why I finally wrote a poem I was proud of, My Choice.

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allets's picture


Is a gift so long as responsibility accompanies the choices. Basically, that is the main tenant of most religions. Becoming YOU, I understand. It's called catharsis. :D