'13 She Reigns In The Night

 

 

"Judge me with eyes and mind because I am not really there"

This pristine soul you seek was once how it used to be

Till I met you, was the day a meter appeared above my head

Showing the world the damage you caused day by day

 A 'hurt' only darkness could see, slowly, drawing me in...

 

Even in my brightest days I've set foot in the darkest path

My numbered days sorely cruised this life away in age

She waited for immaculate souls and I was the one to take

She points to the darkness envisioning what could be

A withered fool I am, even in dismal days, light ignores me

 

"Stay away I say, for I do not need your assistance again!

In my dwelling past you have failed to show me the way

Trails I can not see, leading me to an afflictive false tale

Countless hours of wasted breath and loathsome sweat

A curse I can not repel, being stuck between life and death"

 

"Time would pass me by in the night without any pleasant air

The scent of life I have missed outside is where I want to be

I can dream without closing my eyes of a comfortable bed

Waiting for that magnificent breeze to seduce me in every away

Caressing me with freedom, hoping to relieve the curse within"

 

Where would I go if I do not confront her morbid wrath

Fooling all in her brightest days for I am locked in a cage

Running zigzags in the dark, eluding a hollow heartache

I can see you around the way as all I care about is the key

A key to my escape, but you just pass and just laugh at me

 

I loved you so much I poured every ounce since we met

I can not undo what I did not do or pray for your simulated play

"In the night I heard you shriek, hoping you turned stale"

But it was a sinister dream and I was still behind your fence 

 A smirk I felt in pitch black, awaiting to dispense my suspense...

 

 "Memories appeared before my eyes from the days we were a pair

There were smiles of happiness and thoughts if we would ever be

Many gestures were shared, followed by laughter or what was said

Craving our friction…awaiting flattering whispers all night and day

Trembling to the sound of spiritual passion till the day it wore thin"

 

Here I am incased by your words, for you chose my life to bash

A choice which I gave a chance in which my heart would engage

An experience like this was foretold, arising to another mistake

'I knew' what I was getting into, yet 'careless' played with me...

Fading my clear days allowing dreary clouds to unleash its spree

 

You were my savior when I was alone and was forever in your debt

Thoughts had changed the moment I witnessed your true display

A divine display I couldn't control during my vulnerable state of fail

You altered my ways and forever regret that you are my only threat

Although unseen, your presence is felt, fluorescing at your expense

 

 "Alone in darkness with thoughts of nothing to tear but hair…

Analyzing helpless sentiments and overloading my memory

Gaining a conscious in my dreams with a feel of being dead 

But I was breathless with your touch knowing it wasn't foul play

even your soft touch had sent me through a mental whirlwind"

 

"Thoughts you drilled in my head accompanied my heart to clash

A dangerous mix to think and feel off track and scribble off my page

Crumbling illusionary papers filled with screams of dead weight

I adored the warmth which you offered with a choice to disagree

Yet, when I did not know you, you weren't there to support me"

 

"You claim you are the needed spark to ignite our living thread

Yet, you snipe an unsuitable fuse, then laugh and press replay

Why do you cause such pain at night when you know we are frail?

Leaving us estranged, encaged in the night like impassioned pets

Enthusiastically appear to unknown souls pretending to recommend"

 

"Cricket nights have become quite dejected leading towards despair

Deep sensations lurk of a moment when she meant everything to me

Recollecting a time when I learned what she really was and I wept

I hated for what she stood for and introducing me to this game

She was just a lottery that fate had lost even to pull some strings"

 

I'm draining my life away as I dwell on these malignant flashbacks

Sensing odd behavior upon my thoughts entering my own stage

All I wanted was for you to jumpstart my heart; you sought a debate

"She willingly caused such things in a pattern of... 'meant to be'"

Which by the end of the night, made me feel like a fumbling dummy

 

This feeling She speaks of is absurd and is driving me insane again

No manual to read, learning as you go, witnessing a gambling pain

This fervency she speaks of isn't guaranteed, nevertheless will entail

The experience is overwhelming, life consuming, and full of regrets

Although life enhancing felicity occurred, she also led me to my depression

 

"My mind would altered as She reigned in the night without a care

Inflicting breathtaking potential spells to unknown beings...

Your recklessness has made you extremely unsophisticated

For some, you flourish, as with others you remain idle for days

Endeavoring at their lonely peak then watch them fall and mince"

 

Please let me out, for what you have offered me, I can not stand

Was I not suppose to gain, yet instead I ended up being drained?

I despise the fact that when I loved, they in turn had nothing to say

Still went ahead and shot your arrow of conception upon me...

I feel I have you all wrong, therefore unable to continue my ending

 

This temporary and unpleasant concept had been concocted in my head

You blindfolded me, having me wander the most busiest freeways

I was a hit or miss after that day and I felt I was about to derail

I realized it was me all along and I was becoming my own threat

You gave me a taste, a trial I commenced, relieving me, of my innocence 

 

I gradually recollected nonsensical thoughts I could not bear

I felt I was in my final days in this mental cell for all eternity

I spilled everything I had and empty I became, yet I still bled

What more could you want, you have taken everything away!

No more will I play with flames or communicate in social flings

 

"My blood had rushed from what seemed to be the damned

Yet I kept calm, reminiscing what you caused on my first date

The night was young but She reigned in the night sealing my fate

I was vulnerable in my state and I followed thinking it was me

But it was 'She' that fed on my weakness being her first nominee"

 

I wish I never knew who 'She' was as there remained many things unsaid

I know this feeling is my lockdown which patience will unlock my way

This emotional objection temporarily sickens my views but I will prevail

'You' were not the love I had in mind nor the life I had planned ahead

'You' are just a concept, a redolent perception stuck in my notional head

 

©David Joel Rodriguez

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

You found me and you punished me till I was no more... Pleading for mercy, you went for my core. Everything I lived for was wrong in your world.  I could not escape, so in darkness I curled waiting for that light...a light so bright awakening the night, but at least would be alright. Please take this pain she gave... Why am I so hard to save? Release me please I want to feel at ease...

 

…unfortunately, happening at any time or place, love only struck me at night when my feelings were delicate. I would try and hide in the dark…of course…I know…you can't hide from it. Its everywhere but I got so involved that I became severely entrapped that I know I did wrong when I already knew the consequences. I hid in the darkness as far and deep as possible and of course could not fight it off. "We" rekindled and I again became its slave that which not many know that love will love you, allowing a healthy positive view and if mistreated, it will eventually drain you of lifes activities and, if mentally weak,…will end you, changing your point of view with anyone you meet giving negative feedback because you were not strong enough to hold yourself together. Some will never know what is "it"...you would have to feel it to believe it...No matter how strong you are, its force has the ability to bring you down and the only way to get back up is to acknowledge the faith it offers and not underestimate. 

 

 

"She" is not a person…"SHE" is my concept of love.

 

"I got lost for quite some time and lost track. Even talking to you too made it so hard for me throughout the day but, never wanted to let you know because I didn't want you to stop...the more you resisted, the more I wanted you."

 

A long time ago... I felt as if you urged, although sensed subliminal whispers to cease haste... All this time you meant "Do not rush into to it, take your time." 

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ljmills's picture

Still

You make me cry with this poem.

ljmills's picture

Your poem made me sad. Your

Your poem made me sad.

Your comment broke my heart.

I hope you find "The one" someday.

She is out there, somewhere.

Be happy Mr R.

allets's picture

ANC

Author Notes & Comments - long and would work well as a posted  prose piece. A gift you have for't prose - love is not a person - made me smile ~Allets~


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