The Mountain

   I climbed the mountain.



   The echoes of my steps:





   A                 i    s

     f l o         b   rd

           ck  of

                  



   One punctured the sky

   and nested in my brain--



   still there, reluctant,



   it twitters in my dark silent nights

   with the ancient glow of distant stars.


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Violet Carolina's picture

cool. love the movement of this one and the visual!

Edwin Robinette's picture

Way to go Jim, I like this one mucho!! An interesting write!

deborahrussell's picture

This is nice, I like the "flock". :)

enuminous's picture

This poem reminds me of poetry by e.e. cummings, one of my most cherished poets. He also uses typography to convey movement. There's a famous one where a leaf falls. Great!

enuminous's picture

I like it Interesting use of structure to convey a visual message that corresponds with the image of the poem. :)

owlcrkbrg's picture

Hey,cool poem. I think this is the best one you have posted on here.Have you ever posted at everypoet.com? Check it out.Post in the High critique forum if you do.I'm there. Thanks for the read.@v@


"There is no good writing, only good editing."

Wada rohman's picture

Jim, I like your style.A poem is like body language-each movement has a meaning to the poet. The Mountain-like any good poem has a different meaning to different readers. Each can bring hisor her own experences to evoke meaning.

Martin Haas's picture

Jim, I can't seem to get this critique sent! Third try. This one spoke volumes to me. Hope this floats into the system.

Jim Becker's picture

Interesting trip...thanks.... Jim