The Pretender

Folder: 
1995

Hey, picture this out

You held someone's hand again

You'd fool this one too I bet

Then leave the world down

 

In one special night

You danced together

As time passed you by

Everything's cheaper

 

I bet you two were happy

Till you committed bad sins

Your words were all uncouth

Putting everything down

 

You'd never notice them but

 Everything changed

All things turned grey

They all left you with disgust

 
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ashes_twisted's picture

Hey!

I really liked this.

I feel like it was missing the end though, four more lines, but maybe that is just me.

 

"I bet you two were happy

Till you committed bad sins"

 

I always say "Make good choices!"

Xp

 

Lovely write. ^-^

 


"We are, Each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." -Luciano De Crescenzo

ginsywilde's picture

I'm thinking about this as

I'm thinking about this as the last four lines:

 

You look out from your window

You're sitting and you've grown old

You ask yourself why things ended

You wish you never pretended

 
 
What do you think?
ashes_twisted's picture

Hm.

I like that as well,

but the way it ended is still kind of abrupt.

Maybe four more after that?

All in all I love it.

(^-^)<3

 


"We are, Each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." -Luciano De Crescenzo

ginsywilde's picture

I agree, it lacks an ending.

I agree, it lacks an ending. This is the first poem that I just completely imagined. Maybe that's why it's not so good ^_^

Do you have suggestions for the ending?

allets's picture

Nice & Real

That says it all - some women are all that - love the POV - a third person - fabulous concept, the images are pristine and raw simultaneously. You write well, ego-up, you deserve it for this one~~Lady A ~~


...a

 

ginsywilde's picture

Well, thank you. I'm

Well, thank you. I'm flattered :)