PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

"I will never hurt you for you are my love" -Jan. 23, 2005 7:40:55PM

Jan. 23, 2005.

the conversation that day was so sweet.. yet when I read it now... it makes me sad... knowing that that day is a part of my long forgotten past.. a past forced out of my head... a past forgotten by that who said those words... forgotten...

It's to late now to tell him not to overdo being nice to me... it's much better for me if he puts a wall between us again... either that.. or come back to me... I don't want to miss him... I don?t. not now at least... not now that I finally learned how to take things how they are and accept them... now that I finally forgotten the pain a bit... now that my heart has greatly healed... I don?t want him to re-open the wounds he gave me about 4 months ago... I don?t want to re-live the tears all over again... I don?t want to be lonely no more.. I'm sick of that... I want and NEED to move on.... so I hope... that if he doesn?t really want to come back to me... I hope he just puts back that wall he built between us...

I don?t want to hate him... I can never hate him... never... no matter what he does... but... it's better for him to be harsh to me... it prevents me from longing for him and from missing him badly...

Nostalgia... I?ll never escape it... but I can try going around it for a while...

That is all I can do... or... I could risk loving again. Risk loving another man... and risk getting hurt again and again.

yet... I know deep within myself that I still have some feelings for my past... coz if I didn?t, I probably won?t long for him this much... and id probably hate him for everything he did to me.

He forgets things too easily, too fast... therefore... he needs to remember... remember all those good times... and why he loved me... why he wanted to be with me. All those words he used to say to me... all his promises to me... everything we did... my love for him... sacrifices, times we cried together. Times we laughed together... he NEEDS to remember them... remember them all.... and when he does... he will eventually return... or if not, he will realize what he has lost... and he wont act on it because of pride.

Men have pride. lots of pride... and ego.... if he just lets go of all that... then I?ll be truly happy in his arms again... and I wouldn?t care what my friends say... they say "eeewww.." "YUCK!" and all that... but I cant help it... I cant stop a heart from loving... true, I cant believe I dated the person whom I see right now... but I know that deep within his phony mask, there lies the guy that I originally loved... and behind my make-up and happy style, lies the girl longing for him to awaken from his slumber.

I love him... always have... always will be... I know him and me are over. done, finished... and chances of being together are one to nothing at all... but... I cant change the way I feel... no matter how hard I make myself believe... no matter how hard I try to forget.... the more I will love him forever... he will always be in my heart... I can try to hide, but I cannot and will never escape it..

I guess this is how to be in love is... to feel so much pain yet to still go on, pretending its fine... as long as that person is happy with his situation right now.. even if you?re hurt... even if you?re crying... that is love... to give with nothing in return... to be discouraged but still pursuing.... still persisting... I guess I am in love after all... a love that will never come back to me... a memory that I can never go back to.... a thought that will always be in my soul forever... "I love you... and I promise I will love no one else but you... and I?ll wait for you... remember that.."

and I know he forgot already... and he might never remember anything again... yet I?ll still wait... wait till he somehow awakens from his curse... I want him... I need him... and I love him... more than life itself...