The Death of Remorse

A florid dispersion of dust strewn across the room

Disparagingly taking inventory of the self-inflicting doom

Awoken from the most precious of slumbers

Into a morning of callous darkness and velvet tambers

Like a ball point pen that has become desiccated and trite

Trying to deceive reality into a departing morality as upright

Reposed broken, burdened, and bare

Completely unable to obtain the infinite amount of air

Indignity offers a few turgid words in a prayer or two

While rapacious urges do not succumb but undo

View hopelessly-candid's Full Portfolio
S74rw4rd's picture

I even learned something

I even learned something today.  I have never, ever, seen "awoken" used in any writing.  Looked it up, and Webster's New Collegiate tells me you are absolutely correct to use it.  Gosh, I learned a new usage today.  


Starward

S74rw4rd's picture

This is one of your most

This is one of your most perfect poems.  Sound and sense, pronunciation and emotion, all work together in a seamless effect.  Ths is textbook-worthy to show beginning poets how it should be done. 


Starward

hopelessly-candid's picture

Haha I like the sound of that

Haha I like the sound of that ^_^! Thank you so much!

Beatnik1979's picture

The usage and words

make this a truly excellent poem....and the assonance and consonance transitioning between lines six and seven are...probably one of my favorite parts...I Love the speech and flow and feel of the way U,R,and B meld together ...and is something i use to a certain degree as well because I enjoy it so much. This is magnificent...and beyond you in years....Please accept this compliment ...you certainly have wowed us all again with your poetic brilliance! Respect

hopelessly-candid's picture

You sure know how to give a

You sure know how to give a compliment... thank you so much :)

Davin's picture

,

This is *really* good, very smart.   Thanks.

 

Like a ball point pen that has become desiccated and trite

Trying to decieve reality into a departing morality as upright

hopelessly-candid's picture

Thank you! :)

Thank you! :)

allets's picture

Bravo!

I don't say that often. "undo" took my breath away lady - Just Bein' Stella

 

.


 

 

hopelessly-candid's picture

thank you so much!!! you're

thank you so much!!! you're such an amazing writer, so I very much appreciate your comments!!!! :)