Journalist Freed

We interrupt this program to bring you this joyous news from our Iraq Bureau. This is Mitch Wendell reporting.

Hello, I am Mitch Wendell. We have our reporter Ted Tacoholic in Iraq, standing by with the recently freed journalist, Linda Lieaday of our Los Angeles affiliate, WPIX.

Ted, tell us your news.

Thank you Mitch, I have Linda standing by me, and she looks non-the-worse for wear. Linda, can you tell us about your ordeal.

Thanks Ted, but before I start, Seina Costickson, if you are listening, don’t let that big lug nut husband get near an airplane. I am all right and don’t need to be rescued.

Mitch, good to hear your voice again.

You too Linda, tell us what happened.

Well Mitch, I was coming back from the depot with food for the children. Food we wouldn’t have had, had it not been for Captain Sean Costickson’s wife Seina. Her husband Sean was the driving force that launched our orphanage and got the community involved with the restoration of the building and helping with the children’s education. Anyway, I was about a mile or so from home, when these gunmen pulled alongside the bus in a van and forced me to stop. Once the bus was stop they pulled me from the bus into the van then after driving a hundred yards or so, one of them stood up through a moon roof and fire a RPG at the bus. I was blindfolded and handcuffed. We drove for about an hour, then I was ushered into a cave where my blindfold and handcuffs were removed. I was then introduced to their leader, Ali Hassan. Mr. Hassan apologized for the way I was taken and assured me our bus would be replaced. He also assured me that I was under his personal protection and that no harm would come to me. He then told me why I was taken, which I can’t go into until after I have spoken with government authorities and the Military.

Linda, we heard that the insurgents wanted to lay down their arms but the government and occupation forces gave them no choice if they were to be able to feed their families. Any truth to that rumor?

I am sorry Mitch, I gave my word to not divulge what I was told except to the government representatives and/or occupational commander.

You say you were treated fairly.

Yes, I never once had to fear for my life except at the very beginning where I was taken from the bus.

Are you going to come back to the states after you have spoken with the authorities, I mean it must have been a harrowing experience.

No Mitch. My children need me. I think I am home now. That which I have been searching for all my life, I have found here, in the love of and by my children.

Ninety plus is an awfully big family Linda. How do you manage?

We have town folk come in and help during the day. There are women who have lost sons in the war who come and help and they kind of adopt one or two children. It is all about love Mitch, and we have more than enough to go around.

Well Linda, we wish you all the best. Is there anything you would like to tell our listners.

Yes Mitch. If there is anyone out there that have thought about adopting, let me say it is the greatest feeling in the world. Giving a child a home and a chance to grow in a safe atmosphere is so rewarding. We have ninety plus children in our home and it would be difficult to let any of them go, but if you out there would like to adopt, send your request to the station and it will be forwarded to me and I will be in touch.

Mitch, for Ted and me, this is Linda Lieaday reporting from Iraq. Man I kind of missed saying that, but I love my new role better.

This is Mitch Wendell reporting. Thank you and good night.


Sean, Sean. Come see,

Linda is on the TV.

So that is the famous reporter

I look as good as her,

And I am pregnant too.

Was she really a turn on for you?

Seina, there has never been anyone but you,

Even that tryst I had back when wasn’t true.

Never for a moment have I ever doubted my love,

I swear to all and the one above.

I was just teasing hun,

Can I have a honey bun,

I promise to only eat one.

No, but you can have this protein snack,

Then it will be time for us to hit the sack.

Here is some OJ to take your pills with,

I won’t have no sass now miss.

Sean, you are so mean to me,

But I guess you really have to be.

It is necessary for our unborn son,

That you be the heavy one.

I do look better than her, don’t I?

Honey, you are most beautiful woman in the world,

And you don’t even have to try.

With curlers in your hair,

Holey baggy underwear,

No makeup on,

You are still the most sexy one.

Now, off to bed with you, I will tuck you in.

I have thought of a boy’s name, guess it if you can.

I don’t want to guess, Sean, tell me.

Since your are so cute, how about, “Harlan”?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

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