Copyright 11/14/00

When you said goodbye to my wife,

We didn't realize it to be the last in this life.

If we had only known, we wouldn't let you go,

But onto you we would hold.

We understand the demons you fought every day,

As you tried and tried to make them go away.

This war within, must have been a terrible drain

On both you and your friends who could only watch the pain.

We all tried to give emotional support,

But for peace, with God you must have rapport.

Like Job who suffered so many years

Lost sons, family, and peers.

Job hung on, and God gave him a reward,

With all he lost it was restored and more.

But you ran the race and gave in

And took your life which is a sin.

All the good works and lives you touched,

Gone, cause you choked in the clutch.

All those pulling for you were slapped in the face,

Because you didn't finish, but gave up the race.

You left us to mourn at your loss,

Knowing when you gave up your life,

you gave up the cross.

Your right to choose stops with your life,

That belongs to God and to take it you have no right.

To take your presense from family and friends,

Cheats them of love for you to tend.

We know the voice made you play the game,

Leading you the the brink and back again.

Jerking you around like a puppet on a string

They made you think this was your thing.

Kill yourself they would say

It will end the pain this day.

The voice of satan is convincing it is true

Making lies seem really logical to you.

"You have run a good race your throne is assured,

Go ahead and end it now, your soul is pure."

You listened to the lies and now it is too late

And you will spend eternity in Hades.

When in life, the voices tortured thee

In death they will for eternity.

This makes us really sad,

Cause in your body, no bone was bad,

Except your ankle that kept giving way

Normally while you were at play.

But now you are gone forever more

A tortured soul at Hades door.

No more sun on your face

As you decend to that Hellish place.

I wish you had been strong enough

To tell the voices no more games.

You just weren't mentally tough

To stand the pain.

Now it is over

You are feeding the worms

And pushing up clover.

Goodbye, my friend, my sorrow so deep.

I will pray for mercy on your endless sleep.

You will be missed by so many hearts

All that you have been a part.

Forgive her oh lord I know her pain

She fought so hard, but in vain.

Give her rest before she goes

To that final place we all know.

I know she failed, but she deserves at least that

For the torture she bore beneath her hat.

The demons never gave her rest,

Was she ever meant to pass the test?

What she did was not right

But the peace of that long night

Was too much temptation for her sick mind

Forgiveness in your heart oh lord, I hope you find.

Comfort us, oh lord, in our dispair

And let our friend join you there.

Forgive her this one sin.

We know it was a big one, but please let her in.

She gave so much,

There was nothing left.

Her soul please touch

With eternal life a fitting gift.

Once more I say my goodbyes,

Crocodile tears welling in my eyes.

I walk away with your friends

Mourning your loss will never end.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This preceded "Where did she go" by a day when I was really angry with the friend I almost lost.

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Pretty Little Pain Whore's picture

This is an amazing piece of work. It made me cry, the first poem I have read on this site that has made me do that. I cried for your friend, as I know her pain so well, and I cried for you, as I know what my parents have been thru at times when I have attempted suicide and very nearly lost my life a few times because of it.
Good news is that I am now happier than I've EVER been, maybe part of that is due to my current hypomania (I am manic depressive), but so long as I am happy then I am grateful - I have suffered so much mental pain and despair in my life I feel I deserve the right to be so ecstatically happy as I am at the moment.
Peace to you and your friend, who I hope is feeling better now.

'leesh, the sweet algolagniac x

PS. I intend to now go on to read 'Where Did She Go'.

dragongreeneyes's picture

Hi Ferril :)I like this one, it protrays the anger that's left behind after a suicide, You always express yourself so well.

eltrue's picture

What a hard thing to's always so final and usually soul soaking tragedy...very nice

Melvin  Lee's picture

I read this piece first, before Where DId She Go?....i like them both, though this one possesses words of a mightier strength, and of a disappointment and pain that's much more prevalent...U felt really angry and sad , didnt u? It showed.. I hope your friend is better now...and so are u. Ps: Just got a point to clarify....If your friend is a lady...then how did she get a wife??as stated in the first 2 lines of this poem? Smilesz...jus something i am wondering now.