I am trying


I am trying to tell you what I feel

but the thread of my thoughts

is being pushed through the eye of a needle

and some of the strands don’t fit through the hole.


I am trying to tell you what I feel

but some things get lost in translation

from my brain to the page.


I am trying to tell you what I feel

by only saying things that sound beautiful

but sometimes the truth is ugly.


I am trying not to hurt you

but I know what I am capable of

and I have seen how easily people break.


I am trying not to fuck this up

but I know how quickly tides can change

and I know how simple it would be to shatter you.


I could so easily break your heart

I've got it in the palm of my hand

and all it would take is one squeeze.


But I'll treat it like an egg

and do everything in my power to protect it

because that's the heart that loves me


I am trying to love you

but the only way I know how to love

will break you beyond repair.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/21/17

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*tallsquirrelgirl* she feels in italics and thinks in CAPITALS ~henry james